tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37528647796025484662024-02-06T22:12:48.709-08:00Mamas in the making.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-2594182107439053602015-03-12T04:14:00.000-07:002015-03-12T04:14:00.136-07:00The legend of the post-baby body bounce back<div class="first" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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Once again a photo of a postnatal mother's body is causing a furore on the internet. Caroline Berg Eriksen has <a data-rapid_p="1" href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2515971/Footballers-wife-sparks-outrage-Norway-posting-picture-flat-stomach-days-giving-birth.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;">posted an image of her incredibly slim and toned post baby body,</a> just 4 days after giving birth.</div>
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I think it's great when women celebrate their bodies, regardless of their shape and size. I was particularly heartened by how she described her motivations. She is proud of what her body has been through, and she has every right to be. Just like every new mum, she just made a new human being! That's amazing. Forget how she looks, the sheer resilience and capability of the female body is something to be proud of.</div>
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She also remarks that all mothers should be similarly proud, regardless of how their body looks. I can certainly agree with her on that.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">It is a shame that this is riding on the back of </span><a data-rapid_p="4" href="https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/hot-mom-defends-herself-against-facebook-haters-192149769.html" style="background-color: white; color: #990033; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; text-decoration: none;">Maria Kang's postnatal selfie</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;"> and the uproar that caused. While Caroline's intended message is "my body made a person and it's still doing alright, arn't mums amazing?" many interpreted Maria's "motivational image" as "why are you not as good as me?" - although she retains that her motivation was to inspire, not shame.</span><br />
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As a <a href="http://www.starfalldoula.co.uk/yoga" target="_blank">perinatal yoga teacher</a>, I witness many women's journey through pregnancy, birth and recovery. I see women in late pregnancy, who barely show and still fit in their jeans. I meet women who are still able to run, or stand on their head a few days before giving birth! These, like Caroline, are the outliers. There is nothing "right" or "wrong" about how they cope with pregnancy, they are simply cases at the extreme ends of the spectrum of normal and healthy women.</div>
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Most women find they need to slow down in pregnancy, their fitness lapses because their metabolism is naturally slowing, and their body's resources are being redirected to their babies, leaving little spare for leisure. Those who are not naturally predisposed to being slim and athletic (and even those who are) can expect to lose a little fitness, and gain a little weight.</div>
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Gaining weight in pregnancy is a usual part of the process. New mums need that extra stored fat in reserve ready for breastfeeding - a greater strain on the body even than pregnancy.</div>
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In fact it has recently been proposed that the body's natural set point for weight adjusts after the first pregnancy. This could better equip a woman for motherhood, and gestating larger babies, once her ability to birth safely has been tested.</div>
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Our media culture deeply values women who "bounce back" after having their babies. Celebrities are celebrated for having a toned belly postpartum, and vilified should a glimpse of spare flesh or stretchmarked skin be spotted. Women are presented with a false ideal. The product of good genetics, dieticians, personal trainers and photoshop. It is a rare thing to see the less than "perfect" examples of mothers' bodies.</div>
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There is an incredible pressure put on mums today, to conform to the celebrity standard. Many women remain unaware that it is usual to take months for the body to recover after the incredible changes liable to take place during pregnancy and birth. Moreover, it is entirely acceptable, if not necessary, for a postpartum mother to rest and recover at a pace that is suitable for her body and lifestyle. I was caught out by this too. </div>
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">After seeing a photo of a television celebrity resplendent in a bikini, just two months after giving birth, I was sure that I would have no problem slimming into my wedding dress by 10 weeks postpartum.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">In an endeavour I now consider foolhardy at best, I did drop two dress sizes in time. I was also exhausted, irritable and lacking the glow of a healthy new mum. Nursing and caring for a newborn, without extensive support and working against my natural not-willowy predisposition took its toll. Even after the initial rapid loss, I did not return to my pre-pregnancy weight before I fell pregnant again 15 months later.</span><br />
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After my second pregnancy, I returned to dance and yoga quite quickly, but I paced myself. That's not to say I was lazy (before I am asked for excuses…) six months postpartum I was often found training at 10pm or later, the only child-free part of my day. The difference was that I did not make myself ill doing it. It took just over a year, but no dieting for me to return to the weight I was before my first pregnancy.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">I am not going to pretend however that I have "got my pre-pregnancy body back". Becoming a mother changes so many aspects of your life. It causes your body to face challenges unlike any other, there will always be changes. Whether those challenges change the way a woman's body looks, or make less obvious changes to the way it functions, they are amazing and nothing to be ashamed of.</span>Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-30335851616013883942015-03-01T04:06:00.000-08:002015-03-01T04:06:00.067-08:00How can I tell what my baby wants?<br />
<b><br />In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b><br />
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When I gave birth to my first child, I wondered how I was supposed to know what my baby needs and when to do it?<br />
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Being a first time parent is an incredibly steep learning curve, and no one could blame an expectant parent for disbelieving the reassurance that they will be able to do it. Things work themselves out in time, and ultimately, no one is better equipped to care for your baby than you.<br />
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With this in mind, I am going to share some of my best tips, as a mum of two. Hopefully these ideas will instill the confidence to listen to your baby and your own instincts.<br />
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New babies are not complicated<br />
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Babies have very simple needs. More importantly, they only have needs. Babies do not have ill-considered ideas, or Machiavellian tendencies. What they ask for, is what they need to survive, so there is no need to worry about making a judgement call on their behalf.<br />
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Initially your baby simply needs food, comfort and security. A lack of any of these will initiate instinctive behaviours that, if not responded to, will progress into crying. They may also cry because they are tired, but if their other needs are satiated, a newborn is more likely to fall asleep than cry from tiredness.<br />
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Midwives teach new mums to recognise feeding cues - look for your baby smacking their lips, nuzzling you or sticking their tongue out. Don't wait until they cry to try and feed them, it is much harder to feed a crying baby, especially if you are breastfeeding and trying to establish a good latch.<br />
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If you are unsure of why your baby is distressed, try working through the options. If they won't feed (or nurse for comfort):<br />
Pick them up and talk softly. <br />
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<li>Check their nappy. </li>
<li>Check their temperature by putting a finger down the back of their neck. </li>
<li>Hold them upright against your shoulder and pat to relieve gas. </li>
<li>Rock, cuddle and generally soothe. </li>
<li>If they settle a little, but not completely, try feeding again. Sometimes they need to calm down a bit before they are ready to feed. </li>
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When you are tired and flustered by your baby's cry, this simple list will be hard to remember. Keep a copy where you can see it when you need it.<br />
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Learn to distinguish between their cries<br />
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After spending a lot of time around your baby, you will begin to hear differences in their cries. The more responsive you are to their types of cry, the more they will use the successful cries to communicate with you.<br />
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There are a couple of cheats you can use to help yourself along with this. They work on a baby's communicative crying - the cries they use to alert you, rather than the distressed cries that these evolve into when their needs are not met.<br />
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When a small baby is hungry, they often make a "nnn" sound at the beginning of their cry. This is caused by them pushing their tongue into the roof of their mouth.<br />
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When a baby has a pain in their belly, their cry will begin with a strained "eee" sound. Holding them upright and patting the back can relieve wind. Gentle massage of the belly in a clockwise motion or slowly pedaling their feet will relieve discomfort in the lower intestine or constipation.<br />
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As long as they are fed, clean and comfortable, a great way to console a distressed baby is to<a href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/fell-love-babywearing-155000629.html">wear them in a sling.</a> Your familiar movement, smell and sounds are often all your baby really wants.<br />
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Moving on and growing up<br />
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Just as you begin to get the hang of these basic cues, your baby will start developing new needs. They will get bored, frustrated, overstimulated. The good news is, that by then you will be an old hand at this. <a href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/baby-sign-language-made-difference-baby-123200519.html">Baby signing</a> is also an excellent intermediate step, before speech develops. Never forget that while your baby may not be able to articulate their needs to you, they do understand much of what you say to them. Keep talking to them, asking questions, and see how they respond.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-9569100127654309822015-02-14T04:02:00.000-08:002015-02-14T04:02:00.209-08:00Simple yoga for new mums<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b><br />
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Pregnancy and birth can take an enormous toll on your body. Returning to full strength and health after the birth of your baby can be daunting, especially when you are expected to get back to your normal life as quickly as possible.</div>
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I help new mums to restore their health and adjust their bodies back into healthy, strong posture. Here are some of my favourite yoga exercises that are ideal for you after your GP check at 6 or 8 weeks postpartum.</div>
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<strong>To relieve "nursing" shoulders</strong></div>
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Carrying and feeding a small baby takes its toll on your upper back and shoulders, as mothers tend to hunch around their child. Prevent this problem by using a nursing cushion and sitting up straight.</div>
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Open up the chest and release the shoulders with this namaste-to-reverse-namaste sequence. Begin standing, or sitting up straight (don't do this on a chair with a back though). Place your hands in prayer position over your heart. Inhale. Exhale and push your hands forwards, as if starting a swimming breastroke. Sweep your hands out tracing a circle around your body right to the back.<br /><br />Hold your hands behind your back at bra strap level, by holding your wrists in the opposite hand. Use a belt between your hands if you can't reach. Stay here for a few breaths. Roll the shoulders back, lift the heart forward and sit tall. Inhale. On the exhale reverse the swimming motion and return to your starting position. Repeat for 2-3 times. As your range of movement improves, you can work towards using a reverse prayer position (with your hands behind your back).</div>
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Lie on the floor, with knees bent and your weight evenly distributed across your back. cross your arms across your chest as if to hug yourself - Or lie your baby tummy-down on your chest and hug him! Inhale. Exhale and press your shoulders down to the floor, flattening your upper back. Inhale and release. Repeat this 5-10 times.</div>
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<strong>To align the back</strong></div>
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The shape of your spine changes dramatically during pregnancy, it is important to restore the posture and strengthen the back.</div>
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Lie on your back on the floor. Bend the left knee lightly and keep the right leg straight. Raise the right arm above your head. Inhale. As you exhale, push through the sole of your foot, stretching the leg away from you. Simultaneously reach away with your fingertips. Release. Repeat 5-10 times on each side.</div>
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For a gentle twist, repeat the above exercise, but cross your bent leg over your opposite thigh, placing your foot on the outside of that thigh. If you have recently had a caesarean, you should not attempt twisting exercises.</div>
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<strong>To restore the lower abdominal muscles and strengthen the back</strong></div>
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Lie on your back on the floor, bend your knees and hug them to your chest, stretching the lower back. Breathe in deeply, engaging your abdominal muscles and pulling your knees to your chest. Exhale and push your knees away. Repeat for 5-10 breaths.</div>
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As you become comfortable with this, begin drawing up your pelvic floor as you inhale, and do not release it completely on the exhale. Retain the lift in the pelvic floor throughout the exercise and release on the last breath.<br /></div>
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After a few weeks you may want to round this off with a more intense exercise..Straighten your legs, facing your soles to the ceiling; pressing your feet up and your lower back to the floor. Hold for 1-3 breaths.</div>
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Lie on your back on the floor, palms down, arms by your sides. Bend your knees and place your feet on the floor, comfortably close to your buttocks. There will be a small gap where your lower back does not meet the floor due to the natural curve of your lumbar spine.<br /><br />Gently tuck your pelvis - as though you were trying to fasten a tight pair of jeans - and press your lower back to the floor. Release. Repeat 5-10 times, breathing in as you press your back to the floor, and out as you release it. If you are recovering from a caesarean birth, you will need to go very gently here, and be even more conscious of only doing what feels comfortable.When you are confident with this, the next level is to start lifting off the floor. Begin as before, curling your tail under and pressing your spine into the floor. Then slowly, one vertebra at a time, from the tail up, peel your spine off the floor, rolling up the spine until your weight is on your feet and upper back in bridge position. At first only try one or two repetitions than this. Keep the lifting motion smooth and steady. As you become more confident, you can try more repetitions and slow the movement even more. Allow several weeks to build up to this.</div>
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For the ultimate challenge, you can move your feet closer together, which requires more core muscle control for balance.</div>
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At this time more than ever, it is important that you do not push your limits. Please stop if an exercise is uncomfortable, do not attempt these exercises before your doctor has cleared you to exercise, take it slowly and consult a qualified <a href="http://www.starfalldoula.co.uk/yoga" target="_blank">perinatal yoga teacher</a> for advice and support.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-17253336145534355272015-01-31T03:57:00.000-08:002015-01-31T03:57:00.143-08:00How I got my babies to sleep, the gentle way<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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I have always sung my children to sleep. There is something about being rocked while hearing their lullaby that gets them every time.</div>
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Each of my children have their own lullaby, mostly because I was bored of the one I sing my eldest, by the time his brother came along. I usually sing it a couple of times over, then hum until they drift off. As soon as they hear the tune they start to settle as they recognise it is time for sleep.</div>
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I am fairly sure there is some kind of Pavlovian response going on. When I was in hospital recovering from the birth of my first child, I had only one CD with me, which got played a lot. I discovered when he was a few weeks old that one particular song on the CD had an almost mystical effect on him, no matter how distressed or overtired he was, if I played that song, he would be calm and sleepy by the end of the introduction. The artist in question was "The Cult", hardly your usual bedtime listening. We refer to the employment of this track in times of need as "The Cult Effect". It still worked at two years old, but it never had the same impact on our second child.</div>
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When my children were very young, they had no bedtime. I found that as they tended to cluster-feed to "fill the tank up" in the evening, it was not practical to try and get them into bed. Much better to let them doze and feed in my lap until my bedtime - when they would <a data-rapid_p="1" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/sharing-bed-baby-saved-sleep-141000422.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;" target="">come to bed with me</a>. This flexible arrangement also meant that we could go out as a family with no fear of upsetting the routine. As long as they were with me they were happy. Once they were sleeping solidly through the evening, they transitioned to a bedtime, at around the time they seemed naturally inclined to drop off.</div>
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I always nursed my babies to sleep. Some claim that this is a bad habit, but nighttime breastmilk is full of hormones that promote sleep, so surely this is how babies are designed to fall asleep. Both stopped nursing to sleep before they were a year old. They would have their fill, then roll over and settle, with a tiny smile and a full belly. Or sit up and try to play.</div>
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Their father became the secret weapon at this point. If their milk failed in its sleep-inducing effect, their dad would come in, wrap his arms around them and sing to them until they dropped off.</div>
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I have never felt inclined to "train" our children to sleep. Instead I have just had faith that in their own time, they <a data-rapid_p="2" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/working-sleep-patterns-siblings-171600557.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;" target="">will establish a sleep pattern that suits them</a>. If along the way that meant that I had to spend a few evenings cuddling them as they dropped off, well, that's fine. There are few more worthy and fulfilling ways to spend a couple of hours than curled up, breathing their baby smell, and making sure they feel love and comfort as they drift off to sleep.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-77339031004948216792015-01-15T03:54:00.000-08:002015-01-15T03:54:00.498-08:00Yoga for common pregnancy niggles<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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Yoga is an excellent way to <a data-rapid_p="1" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/yoga-practice-help-pregnancy-102400988.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;">maintain your wellbeing in pregnancy</a>. A simple <a data-rapid_p="2" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/fitness-tips-top-tips-fitting-workout-busy-routine-153200642.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;">daily practice</a> will raise your energy levels and keep you relaxed and feeling well through your pregnancy. Sometimes however, specific pregnancy symptoms leave you feeling below par.</div>
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Through both my pregnancies, I used the following exercises to banish those troublesome niggles, and my prenatal yoga students do the same. Here are some of the most useful exercises to help with common pregnancy symptoms.</div>
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<strong style="background-color: #cccccc; text-align: center;">Shortness of breath</strong></div>
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As your baby grows, particularly into the third trimester, they will start to take up some of the space previously allocated to your lungs. As a result your breathing becomes shallower, and you become short of breath more easily. The 3 part breath sequence opens up your chest, improving your posture and optimising your breathing, making the best of the space you still have available.</div>
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Start in a comfortable seated posture, sit up tall and roll your shoulders back. Place your hands on your lower abdomen. For 8 breaths, breathe deeply into your hands, in through the nose and out through the mouth.. Visualise your breath vitalising your baby, Keep the breaths as slow as you find comfortable.</div>
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Move your hands to your ribs, just above your bump. For another 8 breaths, breathe wide, into your hands, imagine your ribcage expanding with each breath.</div>
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Now move your fingertips to your collarbones. Still breathing deep and wide, fill your lungs right up, until you feel a slight movement in your fingertips. Keep breathing like this until you feel relaxed and refreshed.<br />
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<strong>Stress</strong></div>
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Pregnancy is a time of great change for the individual, and external influences such as work, relationships and financial issues can lead to high stress levels. Stress contributes to nausea, dizziness and blood pressure problems. High levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, in the mother have also been shown to affect foetal development.</div>
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Ujjayi breath is an extension of the above exercise. Once you are breathing steadily and deeply, close the throat slightly. You will hear the sound of your breath rushing through your throat, which is why this is sometimes called "ocean breath". You can use this breath while sitting quietly, or during other exercises.</div>
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Brahma Mudra is a simple exercise to quiet the mind. Begin seated comfortably, and breathing gently. Close your eyes and very slowly turn your head to face over your left shoulder. Move at about half the speed you want to. When you reach your shoulder, rest there for a couple of breaths, then turn to the right shoulder. Pause for a couple of breaths and return to the centre. Raise your head so your forehead faces the ceiling - do not crunch your neck back - take a couple of breaths. Drop your chin to your chest, slowly. Rest there.</div>
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If you have problems with blood pressure of dizziness, please consult your midwife.</div>
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<strong id="yui-tmp-26">Backache</strong></div>
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Your constantly shifting centre of gravity, along with increased flexibility is a recipe for low back pain. Be mindful of your posture, check in with yourself regularly. Stand with the weight evenly distributed between your feet. Tuck your pelvis underneath you and pull in your lower abs, as if you were trying to do up some tight trousers - these muscles are stretched, but it is important to keep them active as they stabilise your pelvis.</div>
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Cat to child is a gentle sequence to ease back pain. Begin on all 4s. Try to keep your back flat, look at the floor between your hands. As you breathe in, arch your back up like an angry cat. Pull your tail and shoulders down and your mid back up. Exhale and return to the neutral posture with a flat back, do not let your back fall into a hollow. Repeat 3 or 4 times, then, on an exhale, drop your hips back to sit on your heels (widen your knees to accommodate your belly, you could also place a pillow on your heels for support), with your forehead resting on the floor, or a firm stack of pillows (modified child pose) rest here.</div>
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<strong>Sciatica</strong></div>
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Shooting pains down the back of the legs are quite common in pregnancy. Pigeon pose is quite an intense stretch, although with support from cushions and blocks, it can be adapted for most women.</div>
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Begin on all fours, with your hands under your shoulders and your knees under your hips. Bring one knee forwards to the same-side hand. Draw the foot of the same leg across to the opposite hand, so that your lower leg is at a right angle to your spine. You will feel the stretch across the outer side of your hip. Relax into this, and practice ujjayi breath, imagine the breath is directed into the tension in your hip. For a more intense stretch take your other leg back behind you until it is straight. You can pile folded blankets or firm pillows under your pelvis for support if you need it. You can stay up on your hands - you could use a birth ball or chair for support here, taking the weight off your wrists and resting your head. Alternatively, lower your upper body to the floor, your forward leg will be hooked around your bump, and with some support you may be able to rest there.</div>
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Be sure only to practice within your own comfortable limits. It is best to attend a <a href="http://www.starfalldoula.co.uk/yoga" target="_blank">prenatal yoga class</a> for feedback from an instructor who will be able to help you adapt positions to suit your needs.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-5177885083215576052014-12-31T03:49:00.000-08:002014-12-31T03:49:00.119-08:00What to pack in your hospital bag for a relaxed, natural birth.<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b><br />
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Towards the end of pregnancy, as it becomes the focus of the nesting instinct, one bag and its contents never held such importance. What will you need? What is a waste of space?</div>
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If you are planning a home birth it is useful to have a bag with all the things you might need during and immediately after the birth. Everything is then in one place should you need someone else to find it for you, and if you do have to transfer into hospital, you won't have to pack a bag during labour, or rely on someone else to - and inevitably end up with the wrong pyjamas.</div>
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Pyjamas aside though, hospitals are alien environments, and your bag can become your own little slice of home. This is why they are so important to us.</div>
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Birthing women naturally seek out that which is comfortable and familiar. Feeling safe and secure is vital for the physiological progress of birth. Oxytocin, the hormone that drives contractions, is released more freely, and birth progresses more smoothly, when a woman's basic nesting urges are respected.</div>
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So how can we honour this is a hospital environment?</div>
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<b>Lighting</b> - Hospital lighting tends to be bright and flat, perfect for medics who need to see well to do their job. Counter-productive to labouring women, as oxytocin production is inhibited in bright environments. Some hospitals have lights that dim, if yours doesn't, take a small lamp with you. Even a bright desk lamp (a small one will pack down well) can be draped with a muslin to diffuse the light. Battery operated tea lights can also be used to great effect. Then turn off the main lights and relax.</div>
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<b>Music</b> - If you enjoy relaxing to music, take a small player and a collection of your favourites with you. If you are using <a data-rapid_p="1" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/hypnobirthing-helped-stop-being-afraid-giving-birth-175100712.html" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">hypnotherapy</a>, it may even be possible to buy the background music from your hypnotherapy CD to help transport you back to that peaceful mindset. Moving around is great in early labour. Dance the baby down into your pelvis, stomp out the discomfort of your contractions. Don't just stick to gentle music, take something you will find entertaining and uplifting too.</div>
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<b>Aromatherapy</b> - Hospitals can smell strange, antiseptic and generally unhomely. Aromatherapy for birth is a huge topic, but even the most basic blends can be very beneficial. Clary Sage is excellent for promoting the progress of your labour, and breathed deeply during contractions provides some pain relief. Lavender is good for relaxing. The best vector for aromatherapy in birth is a flannel, or sponge, dipped into a small bowl of water with a few drops of the oil. This is easily removed if you suddenly decide you no longer like the scent.</div>
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<b>Pillows</b> - Useful for birth, and for nursing afterwards, there is nothing more comforting than your own pillows or bean bags. Use them to keep you in a comfortable, upright position if you tire during labour. Remaining upright helps the baby descend into the pelvis and promotes contractions. Sitting on a birth ball, or the edge of a chair, leaning forwards onto a pile of cushions, is restful without slowing your labour.</div>
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<b>A massage ball</b> - Lower back massage can give great relief in labour. A small hand held massage tool can turn any birth partner into an expert masseur.</div>
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<b>Food</b> - If you are planning on a natural birth, you will be able to sustain yourself through labour by snacking regularly, although some interventions will require you to stop solids in case you need an anaesthetic. You may not feel like eating for a period when labour is very intense. Regardless, once the baby arrives you will be ravenous, and hospital catering rarely hits the spot! Take a range of foods, as you cannot be sure what you will fancy. Oat based snacks like flapjack are great for slow-release energy, fruit or smoothies can be refreshing. It's good to have some drinks you enjoy too, or a bottle of squash to flavour your water.</div>
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There is also a point in labour when women often find themselves needing a last burst of energy before they start to push. Chocolate, or spoon-fed honey are commonly used here, but as a doula I once supported a woman who dosed up on jelly beans!</div>
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<b>Your birth plan</b> - Your plan is a written statement of your preferences in terms of your treatment. If you are planning a natural birth it is likely that some of these preferences with be different to the hospital's default policy. It may be the case that your health care professionals do not read it, however, should you not be in a state of mind to discuss your treatment your birth partner can point to your birth plan and advocate for you with authority.</div>
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These basic ideas will get you started, but remember, as the mum to be, you have the right to choose the circumstances of your birth. Anything that makes you, as an individual, feel safe, relaxed and loved will be valuable, even your favourite <b>pyjamas</b>.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-74208417189830897482014-12-17T03:46:00.000-08:002014-12-17T03:46:00.726-08:00How sleeping with my baby saved my sleep<div id="yui_3_9_1_1_1406025912649_737" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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It was 2am and I was desperate. It was my first night home with my newborn son, three days after he was born by emergency caesarean section. My milk still had not come in, delayed most likely by the trauma of the surgery and the side effects of the painkillers. He would not stop feeding.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">I knew that this was normal, I knew that he was topping up his marble-sized belly with rich colostrum, whilst triggering the production of the milk that eventually came nearly a day later. This was small comfort when I was exhausted. Every time he stirred, rooting around in his Moses basket, looking for me, I woke, rolled myself out of bed, tentatively, flinching at the pain in my fresh scar, picked him up, lay him on my mattress, and nursed him until he fell asleep; whereupon I dutifully, gently returned him to his little bed.</span><br />
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Over and over. Every hour, or even less.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">I rang the midwives on duty at the hospital, and I am forever grateful that my call was answered by an individual who was willing to give me advice that many will not. "Let him sleep with you". That's it. That simple.</span><br />
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A few weeks earlier I would never have done it. My husband had joked that the baby would sleep in our bed. I told him no, no way, it's not safe.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">When I was discharged from hospital I had been issued with, amongst several trees-worth of leaflets, a copy of the </span><a data-rapid_p="1" href="http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/Resources/Resources-for-parents/Caring-for-your-baby-at-night/" style="background-color: white; color: #990033; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">UNICEF safe sleeping guidelines</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;"> . In reality sharing a bed with your baby is safe as long as certain precautions are taken. A breastfeeding mother, who naturally will sleep lightly, no drink or drugs, no heavy bedding, no way for baby to fall out or get trapped, no other children. With the advice and support of my midwives, I accepted that this was the best choice for us. When I later did more research, I was astounded at how far my preconceptions were from the truth. Evidence suggests that this is a safe choice and in some cases even a preferable one.</span><br />
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So that night I brought my new son into my bed. I fed him lying down, and dozed, when he finished he would roll onto his back to sleep. When he was hungry again he would snuffle around until I helped him latch on in my half sleep. I would not need to leave my bed and painfully lift him out of his moses basket, I would not even need to wake up completely. I found myself, as controlled studies have also demonstrated, checking on his temperature and breathing instinctively, without being fully conscious.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">My first child did not sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. This was never a problem, he was right beside me in bed, all I ever had to do was nurse him, or cuddle him and he would settle back to sleep without either of us fully waking. Once he was sleeping through, we introduced him to his own bed, in his own room, which he thought was a great adventure. I missed his little snoring body next to me at night, so did my husband, but not for long, because just a couple of months later, his baby brother was born.</span><br />
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When I was expecting my second child, I did not make up the Moses basket. I did not assemble the cot. I knew that from the outset both of us would sleep better, and be happier if he was in bed with me, so once again, I made the bed baby-safe in readiness.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">My second baby slept in my bed from his first day, in the hospital I refused to have him in the plastic tank, ringing the bell for someone to pass him to me every time he needed me. He lay curled up against me, resting peacefully. I discharged myself after one night because it was the hospital staff that were disturbing my sleep.</span><br />
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This time around, the midwife who discharged me made it clear that it was their policy to advise against bed sharing under any circumstances. But I knew baby number two would be sleeping with me.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-51588538278119650792014-11-30T03:41:00.000-08:002014-11-30T03:41:00.206-08:005 myths about cloth nappies debunked<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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With two children born within two years of each other, I have done thousands of nappy changes and experimented with a variety of nappy types and brands. My preferred nappies are cloth, which is often regarded as the eccentric preserve of masochistic hippies. Many of the assumptions made about cloth nappies are, in my experience, wildly inaccurate. So let's take a look at some common misconceptions.</div>
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<strong>1. Cloth nappies are tricky to use</strong></div>
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For many people, the idea of cloth nappies brings to mind the old fashioned terry squares, with giant pins and noisy, thick plastic overpants. Most modern styles fit much like a disposable, fastening with poppers or velcro. Some systems involve a waterproof outer, or wrap, over an absorbent nappy; others are just one piece.</div>
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Folded nappies are now usually fastened with plastic "nappy nippers" rather than tricky pins. The waterproof wraps are now made of PU, they are soft, fine and barely rustle at all! They also come in a huge range of attractive colours and designs. I often think it is a shame that my baby's nappy is hidden under his clothes, and I always feel particularly organised if it matches his outfit!</div>
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<strong>2. Cloth nappies are expensive</strong></div>
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The initial outlay for cloth nappies can seem like a lot of money. Typically a new birth to potty set will cost ÂŁ200-300. Crunch the numbers on disposables however and the cheapest option works out at around ÂŁ800 for just the first 2 years. That's without factoring in the cost of wipes, nappy bags, and other accessories like bins. If you are planning on having more than one child, there is no need to buy more cloth nappies after the first - you just keep saving.</div>
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There are ways to save money on your cloth nappy stash too. Many councils have a "Real Nappy Incentive Scheme" which often means you can apply for vouchers to pay for nappies, or nappy laundering services.</div>
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You can also buy cloth nappies second hand in very good condition. If you really keep an eye on online auctions and baby sales, you can even buy unused sets, or seconds very cheaply. There are cheaper options for new nappies too, I recently bought some pocket nappies for under ÂŁ3 each.</div>
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There is a cost to laundering the nappies, especially if you tumble dry them, but even then, you will still be saving.</div>
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<strong>3. Cloth nappies are hard work to wash and dry</strong></div>
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It is true that cloth nappies involve a little more work, you cannot simply bag them up and throw them in the bin.</div>
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Nappies are usually stored in a dry pail. Solids are flushed down the toilet (perhaps in a flushable nappy liner) and the nappies are kept in a sealed bucket until they are washed. There is no soaking, no sterilising and no bags of faeces hanging around until bin day.</div>
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It's true that there is quite a lot of washing; but let me break this to you now, as a parent of an infant, you will be doing a lot of washing. With the spit-up giving way to food and finger paints, it is relentless, an extra load of nappies here and there barely registers. In my experience disposable nappies also leak far more than a cloth nappy and wrap, and that means more clothes and bedsheets to wash. With a newborn and 20 nappies, I found I was washing them every other day, but at a year this dropped down to around twice a week.</div>
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Nappies dry beautifully on the line in dry weather, and the sun bleaches out any stains, but even in the winter they can be dried on an airer in front of a radiator in a few hours.</div>
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<strong>4. Cloth nappies are uncomfortable</strong></div>
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It has to be said that even the modern, ergonomic nappy designs are quite bulky. Disposable nappies are often marketed as being thin, light and not restricting movement. We must be careful of making judgments for babies based on adult comfort standards. Some interesting studies have shown cloth nappied babies to be less prone to hip dysplasia, their growing joints supported by the fabric of the nappy. With all that bum-shuffling and unexpected sitting down, perhaps babies appreciate a bit more padding.</div>
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Microfibre and fleece make cloth nappies quite dry on the bottom too. Although it is said that the "feedback" from a cloth nappy is useful in potty training.</div>
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<strong>5. Cloth nappies are inconvenient for travelling</strong></div>
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Cloth nappies are a bit bulky to carry around when you are out and about. You will need a wet bag for used ones too. Mums who prefer cloth nappies usually adapt to this with a slightly larger change bag.</div>
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What is a bit trickier is going away for more than a few hours. Travelling with a baby can be quite a trial, without trying to fit in laundry, or carrying a sackful of used nappies.</div>
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Even if you feel you need to switch to disposables for a weekend away, or just for a day's shopping, this will not negate the huge financial and environmental benefits of using cloth nappies the rest of the time.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-38660233142048982192014-11-13T03:40:00.000-08:002014-11-13T03:40:00.526-08:00Best gifts for newborns <div style="background-color: #f1eeeb; color: #555555; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-top: 11px; outline: none; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
<b style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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There is almost nothing sweeter than the tiny, soft-to-touch toys often given as gifts to newborn babies. It is a natural gift to gravitate towards, but what can we give babies that is a little more original, and a little more relevant to their needs and interests?</div>
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Often these gifts are more about the adults than the baby, who will not develop the interest or ability to play with toys for several weeks, and even then will be far more interesting in brightly coloured, noisy, chewable items than pastel teddy bears.</div>
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What a newborn baby does need however, is its mother. I shall explain why.</div>
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Human babies are, compared to other primates, born quite prematurely. Our enormous brains mean we have to escape the womb while we still can, and newborn babies are really not developmentally ready for the world. In fact, they are more like kangaroo babies, like kangaroos, humans practice "exogestation", we finish growing our foetuses, outside the body.</div>
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For this reason newborns instinctively know that they are safest when they can feel, smell and hear their mother close by. Their physiological and psychological development is centred around gazing at her face, feeling her heartbeat and breathing, and suckling.</div>
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So how can we use this information to help us choose gifts for a newborn?</div>
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A good <strong style="outline: none;">baby carrier</strong> allows the baby to be close to the comforting warmth, sounds and smells of their mother's body. The best ones have no fabric between the mother and baby, so allow skin to skin contact. They should support the baby's bottom and hips, facing in towards the mother's body. A stretchy soft wrap carrier is an affordable option. The baby, positioned on the mother's chest, is the ideal focal distance to gaze at her face, which is all the entertainment baby needs between naps in the early days.</div>
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A plump <strong style="outline: none;">nursing cushion</strong>. Whether the baby is breastfed or formula fed, a comfortable nursing cushion will support them at the best position for watching their mother as they feed, close to her body.</div>
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Sometimes a new mum needs to spend a little time away from her newborn. During these times a <strong style="outline: none;">cloth comforter</strong> can be very helpful. There are a wide range of these on the market, including ones with built in music and heartbeat sounds! A soft cloth, perhaps with tags or different textures is great, but most important is that it smells like mum.</div>
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What a newborn wants most in the world is time in their mother's arms, but there are so many things that pull new mothers away from spending time with their babies. To give the gift of time with their mother, we can relieve the mother of some of her responsibilities.</div>
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A <strong style="outline: none;">postnatal doula</strong> is a professional, who is usually a mother herself, and will support families through the newborn period. Most will prepare meals, help care for other children and do a little housework or laundry. All of this means that the new mother can spend time with her child, guilt and stress free. Many doulas offer gift vouchers which make an excellent newborn present.</div>
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All of these gifts will keep a newborn happy, secure and entertained, they might not be the most typical baby shower gifts, but I know they will be appreciated by mother and baby.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-73440769570614506852014-10-31T03:38:00.000-07:002014-10-31T03:38:00.106-07:00Balancing the obligations of being a mother and a doula<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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<b>"This will be you next," said the midwife. I paused for a second, slightly confused. I was crouched on the sofa in my client's living room, holding her foot and whispering words of encouragement while she brought her baby into the world. I was also 28 weeks pregnant, with a nearly-two year old at home; but at that moment, I was just a doula, a humble servant to the needs of a woman bringing life into the world. There is no room for both, I had left myself outside the door.</b></div>
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This is how it is in my profession. There is no room for ego, there is no opportunity to be tired. Meals are a low priority, that toilet break will just have to wait. When a woman is in labour, everything else is secondary, I am there to serve, from the moment she calls until she no longer needs me.</div>
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As a mother to young children, much of the same applies. When your children are your most important priority, how can you afford the same privilege for your client?</div>
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The answer lies in your own support. In order to "let go" and focus on her client, the doula must know that her children are in good hands. While the doula is on call 24 hours a day for around four weeks, her childcare must be too. This often means having several options; one relay and an organisational chart to help her remember who she needs to call at 3am on a Thursday. As a mother employing a doula, it may be useful to discuss her arrangements with her, for your peace of mind. I never trouble my clients with issues that need not affect them, but always disclose any that might.</div>
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Postnatal doulas provide support for mothers with newborns. We make sandwiches, help around the house and provide a shoulder to lean on. Many mothers find it really useful to have someone visiting regularly in the first few weeks and months. Paying for a postnatal doula is an excellent gift from far-flung family members to a new mum they are unable to support themselves.</div>
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I find postnatal doula work much easier to fit into my family life, as it is predictable and easy to plan around childcare arrangements. I love spending time with new mums, and it is a pleasure to be able to help them, although sometimes I think I could do with my own doula!</div>
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One family I was working with had a little boy the same age as my own. On days when my work was to be focussed around taking care of the older child, my child could come with me and they played together. This doesn't always work well, it blurs the lines between the obligations of a mother and a doula, so it is really important for a doula and client to keep an open dialogue and be prepared to alter their arrangements to best serve the client's family.</div>
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Birth doula work is more of a challenge. Doulas form a close relationship with our clients, so it is usual that we have advanced warning that a woman might be going into labour; but there is always the chance that it might come out of the blue. I spend my on-call weeks never out of arm's reach of the phone, and always conscious of who I need to call myself when the time comes.</div>
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The birth went well. I left the client's house elated; it was gone midnight. Mother, father and baby were cuddled up on the sofa drinking champagne. As I closed the door behind me, I realised how very, very tired I was. I drove home, crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around my sleeping child. Attending a birth is so very rewarding, but there is nothing quite like coming back and being Mummy again.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-14389722683311631042014-10-16T03:33:00.000-07:002014-10-16T03:33:00.092-07:00Gender disappointment, when the baby you are expecting is not what you were expecting.<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them. </b></div>
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One of the big decisions in pregnancy is whether or not to find out the sex of your baby before they are born. For me this was an easy choice, I'm no good at surprises, and I hated the idea that the </div>
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sonographer might know when I did not.<br />
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In my first pregnancy, I had no real preference or strong predictions about my baby's sex. I had always wanted a daughter, but after getting to know some of the little boys of my friends and family, I would have been grateful for either. As it turned out, he was a boy, he grew, he was born, and I loved being his mummy.</div>
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When I was pregnant with our second child, I, along with everyone else I knew, was convinced I was expecting a girl. Absolutely beyond doubt. I had girl's names picked out, I even bought a little dress in the sales as it was so unusual and completely to my taste.</div>
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At 20 weeks we went along to our scan. "Would you like me to take a guess at the gender?" asked the sonographer, we agreed, and in a fairly non-committal way, she informed us that it was probably a boy.</div>
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I was stunned. Completely taken aback. She might as well have said he was a giraffe, I had been so sure. I actually booked a private gender scan a few weeks later, just to check. He was most definitely a boy, the sonography clinic even gave me a close-up photo to prove the point.</div>
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It has to be said that I grieved the "loss" of the little girl I had convinced myself I was carrying. It took a while for me to come around to the idea that this little being I was falling in love with was not quite what I had thought he was. I also felt guilty, as if I had let him down, by hoping he was something he was not, and for feeling disappointed in what he was. We had to start looking at boy's names, and referring to him as "he". It is for this reason that I am very glad we chose to find out the gender at the scan. It was a confusing time, and I am grateful we were not trying to come to terms with this "change" after he was born.</div>
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I looked at the positive side of having a boy. All of my first son's clothes had been put aside for the future. All of them, not just the unisex babygrows, would be suitable hand-me-downs for his baby brother (though I am sure any daughter of mine would end up wearing dinosaurs and robots anyway). So I lost out on some retail therapy, but it has saved me a fortune, and will continue to do so for years to come.</div>
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My eldest has the perfect playmate. Of course brothers and sisters can play together, but already the bond between my two boys is exceptional, I expect they will be best friends for a long time. I also looked at the 3D scan photos taken at our private scan. His sweet little face looked a lot like his brother. I reasserted that this was the same child I had loved when he was two blue lines on a stick.</div>
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When he arrived he was just perfect. He was not what we expected, but that is part of the charm. Like the birthday gift you never asked for, never expected and never knew you wanted. Every day I delight in learning new things about him.</div>
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So now I have a houseful of little boys. Yes, there are only two of them, but it feels like the house is full of shouting, wrestling, cars and bricks. Over time I have become comfortable with the idea that this is my family, and it feels right. If my fairy godmother offered to swap my youngest (or indeed my eldest) for a daughter, exactly as I imagined she might be, I would have to decline. They are mine, and I love them just as they are.</div>
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As with any mother of multiple children of the same gender, I am constantly asked if I am going to "try for a girl". There is a part of me that would still very much like one, but there is no guarantee that if I fell pregnant again, it would be a girl. Even less that it would be a girl that lived up to my expectations of mothering a daughter. If we do decide to grow our family it will be because we want another individual to love and raise, and we will be ready to accept whatever kind of baby fate sends us.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-91137916777656052592014-09-30T03:27:00.000-07:002014-09-30T03:27:00.114-07:00Using sign language with your baby<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px;">In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b><br />
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Every mother knows that babies don't communicate by crying. Crying is what they do when they become frustrated that they are not being responded to. Babies communicate through body language, right from the very start. When we know our babies well enough, we read their subtle gestures, and we understand what they need.</div>
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For me, learning to sign with my babies was the obvious next step. At a certain age, babies start to mimic our gestures to communicate with us; they learn to hold their arms up for a cuddle, or to wave back when we are saying goodbye, why not extend this to improve the communication between my child and his caregivers?</div>
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I began baby signing at a local class that combined signing with singing a combination of popular nursery rhymes and songs adapted to use the most common signs. It was one of those slightly awkward gatherings of sleep deprived mothers bewilderedly singing to their disinterested and slightly confused charges.</div>
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Enthused by the endorsements of other mothers, I sought out the Makaton Society (Makaton is the simplified sign language used in baby signing or with children and adults with speech and language difficulties), and used their resources to learn more. At home the lessons really started to work. My son started using his favourite signs to let us know what he needed. His first and favourite sign was "milk"; but "more", "again", "sleep", "thank you" and a variety of animals featured too.</div>
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He continued to do sign until he could talk, after that he only used his absolute favourites, like "fish" alongside the words.</div>
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<strong style="color: #088290;">Tips for using sign language with your baby</strong><br /><br />Start early. Babies as young as 8 months can use simple signs.</div>
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Be consistent. Always use the signs with the words, whenever the right context arises. Your baby will learn to associate the sign with your words and actions, but they need to see it frequently.</div>
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Make your signs clear. Always sign in the same way and make sure your baby sees it.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Always respond to your baby's signs. They will start out a bit indistinct, so watch out for them. If you are not sure if they used a sign or not, reflect it back to them: "Did you say you wanted some milk?" and give the correct sign. Get all their caregivers on board. It really helps if everyone that looks after your baby signs with them. Many nurseries use signing as a matter of course, and it's worth looking for one where they will use and pay attention to baby signing. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Pre-schoolers thrive when their caregivers are responsive to their needs; if your child can communicate their needs with signs, it makes sense to make sure they are looked after by people who will understand. Make sure your childcare professionals are aware of your child's signing idiosyncrasies. My eldest son often made the sign for milk with one hand, above his head - he was reaching up to make sure the adults could see it. One day I picked him up from nursery and he started signing wildly at me. His key worker asked what it was, he had been doing it all afternoon. Although the staff were trained in Makaton (the simplified sign language used in baby signing), they failed to recognise his take on the sign.</span><br />
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Signing made an enormously positive impact on my relationship with my children. It was very clear to me that they understood more than they were able to express, and signing allowed them to share their needs and interest with us, long before they were able to speak. Even if a baby only learns a couple of signs, it is well worth trying.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-64196652606102610252014-09-16T03:25:00.000-07:002014-09-16T03:25:00.604-07:00How hypnobirthing helped with my birth fears<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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When I was expecting my children people often asked if I was afraid of giving birth. My surprising answer was "No, not at all." I practiced hypnotherapy in my pregnancy in the hope of an easier birth, without the side effects of drug-based pain relief. </div>
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If reports are to be believed, I am in good company. <a data-rapid_p="1" href="https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/pregnant-kate-middleton-royal-baby-hypnobirthing-what-is-it-090028938.html?.tsrc=samsungbm" rel="nofollow" style="color: #990033; text-decoration: none;">Kate Middleton is said to be planning to use hypnobirthing techniques</a> when she gives birth to the royal heir. This should not be such a surprise when we consider that the Queen herself had four home births, which by necessity, involves only natural pain relief.</div>
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Reported as "self-hypnosis", hypnobirthing is often regarded as being a 'bit weird' or complicated, but actually it is a very simple way of relaxing and maintaining a positive attitude.</div>
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Oxytocin, the hormone that makes birth progress and acts as a natural painkiller in the brain, is only released when we feel safe and loved. Adrenaline, released when we feel anxious or fearful, inhibits oxytocin, slowing labour and increasing the perception of pain. In my work as a doula, I help mothers-to-be to feel safe and supported through their labour in a number of ways. I have witnessed the effectiveness of hypnotherapy as women tackle even the toughest parts of their labour with calm confidence.</div>
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My hypnotherapy consisted of a session with a qualified therapist, and follow up using recordings on a CD. In the session with the live hypnotherapist, we used relaxation techniques and imagined a calm, peaceful place where I could go in my imagination, when labour became tough or tiring. We also put in place certain phrases that my birth partner could use to remind me of this place, and help me regain the same deep relaxation. The CD I used reinforced this, and told the tale of a positive birth experience, so that when it came to my real labour, I would feel like I had already practiced it.</div>
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After a few sessions with my CD, I not only was no longer afraid of giving birth, I could not actually recall ever having been.</div>
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I did not have the natural births I planned. Some people use cases like this to discount the effectiveness of natural birth choices. This is a gross misunderstanding. I laboured at home, beyond hours and into days, both times; for the most part, it was a calm, positive experience. I am convinced hypnobirthing helped me to prepare and make the best of my very difficult labours. I wish Kate a gentle, relaxed birth experience.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-22544647345100576952014-08-31T03:21:00.000-07:002014-08-31T03:21:00.317-07:00How I fell in love with babywearing<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.464000701904297px; margin-top: 11px; padding: 0px;">
<b>In August 2014, the Yahoo Contributor Network was shut down. All the copyrights to articles thereon were returned to their authors, so I decided to publish certain articles of mine, originally written for Yahoo UK on my own blogs. This is one of them.</b></div>
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<b>Yesterday, as I strolled down the high street, a woman approaching in the opposite direction threw her arms up in delight and cooed "oooh how cute". At first I thought this was a slightly bizarre complement directed at me, but then I remembered - as usual, I was wearing my baby.</b></div>
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Babywearing is the slightly odd label given to the practice of carrying your baby about your person, in a carrier such as a sling or wrap. Most people expect to see people in traditional, tribal cultures babywearing, but the practice is still regarded as a curiosity in Western society, despite a recent surge in the popularity of this and other "Attachment Parenting" methods.</div>
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Babywearing is reputed to have a number of benefits for baby and parent. Worn babies are said to be calmer, less colicky and more sociable. Studies have shown that close contact with mother helps a baby to regulate their temperature, breathing and heart rate, while the constant movement helps them develop balance and strength. None of this was responsible for my choice to babywear, as with most of my parenting choices, I do it because it is the option that is easiest and most pleasant for my children and I.</div>
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I have been "a babywearer" for almost three years now. I carried my eldest in a stretchy wrap from birth. After an emergency caesarean, I had difficulty getting him in and out of his pram, let alone pushing it; but with my baby wrapped snugly upon my chest I could carry him and barely feel the weight. People often asked if he was heavy to carry, but in reality he was easier to carry like this than when he was in my belly!</div>
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I have never had a problem with the weight of my children when I carry them, as they have grown I have grown stronger to accommodate them. I was still wearing my 15kg 2 year old at 38 weeks pregnant.</div>
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Carrying my babies when out and about has been remarkably liberating. Before having a baby, few able-bodied people consider how many steps, heavy doors and narrow pavements they encounter on a daily basis. With a baby in a pushchair, especially a larger pram or travel system, these become a serious obstacle, along with buses, small shops with close-set displays and soft ground. With my baby in a carrier I was free to go for a walk on the beach, to use the escalators in shopping centres rather than hunting down the lift (inevitably in the furthest corner) and navigate crowded streets with ease.</div>
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My babies have both loved being worn. Comforted by the movement and sounds of my body, made so familiar before their birth, but able to observe their new world from a safe vantage point. Both my boys have enjoyed smiling and chatting with the dozens of people who inevitably wish to engage with them on our travels, and both learned the trick of diving nose-first into my cleavage when the cheek-pinching became too much for them. I have spoken to a lot of parents who go to all kinds of lengths to get their babies to sleep, even going on unnecessary car journeys. My babies have always fallen asleep in the sling, all it takes is a short walk, or just pottering around the house, and they are happily snoozing.</div>
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With my baby firmly secured to my body, I retain the use of both hands. I can carry shopping, do housework, cook and eat with my baby safely snoozing or calmly watching me. Just last week my nine-month-old was having a "clingy" day as his next tooth chose to come through when I needed to prepare the house for a weekend of guests. For many mums this would have meant forsaking some chores, or leaving their baby without comfort. For a babywearing mum this isn't a problem. I grabbed the nearest wrap and wrapped him onto my back, where he snuggled and slept, leaving my hands free to make beds and prepare food.</div>
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I can feed in the sling too, baby hungry halfway around the supermarket? No problem, latch on in the sling, and carry on!</div>
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It's not just me that carries our babies. My husband was converted to babywearing as soon as he realised our black wrap made him look like a Samurai. Our children love his movement, warmth and the deep vibrations of his voice; I can leave the baby with him, or have some precious time alone at home while he goes out for a walk.</div>
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I don't just love babywearing, I can honestly say I don't know how I would parent without it.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-49986457963065638492013-11-08T06:31:00.000-08:002013-11-08T06:31:22.355-08:00The positive caesareanWhen I was training as a perinatal yoga teacher, the question was brought up: Should we discuss caesarean birth in a prenatal yoga class? Some teachers, predominantly those who come from a background of conventional yoga without being involved with birth otherwise, don't talk about birth at all in their classes. Their focus is solely on the yoga practice, for them this is no dilemma. Among those of us from a birth background, who do discuss the wider issues of pregnancy and birth in our classes, the response was mixed.<br />
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I've spoken to many mothers who have attended antenatal classes that had no coverage of what to expect if you have a caesarean. Apparently this isn't just a yoga teachers' problem.<br />
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Do I think caesarean preparation should be a part of birth preparation. Absolutely yes. Let me tell you why.<br />
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When the topic of caesarean birth is avoided, deliberately or not, it becomes a dirty word. A looming enemy that we don't talk about in the hope that it will go away.<br />
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Often, it is talked about it purely as something to be avoided. A ceasarean is a serious intervention, the side effects are far reaching and range from barely perceptible disadvantages, to serious and debilitating health problems. Avoiding an unnecessary caesarean is a worthy goal indeed, and certainly something we should be talking about more.<br />
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It is not uncommon currently, for a hospital to have a 25-35% caesarean rate. We need to work towards reducing this, without a doubt, as this figure reflects a large number of avoidable surgeries. Individual mothers can take measures to improve their chances of avoiding surgery, this should be encouraged too.<br />
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Regardless, the figures stand. As antenatal supporters and educators, we cannot assume that none of our students will birth surgically. The figures speak for themselves. So what happens to the women we support who do go on to have caesareans?<br />
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In short, they feel alienated. That thing that we are not supposed to talk about, it happened to them. They may feel disappointed or even guilty. All this on top of dealing with the extra challenges presented by recovering from major surgery whist caring for a newborn.<br />
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There is evidence that disappointment in birth outcome is a contributing factor to postnatal depression. Does this mean we should not be encouraging women to strive for good birth experiences? I don't think so, but as birth workers, with a duty of care to the women we support, we can help them to prepare for a positive birth experience, regardless of the method of delivery.<br />
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In fact, a major factor in the way a woman sees her birth experience, is not the level of intervention, or the difficulties she faced, but how much she felt in control of the situation. It should be said that in this case "control" does not mean strict control over the outcome, but to be a part of the decision making process within the boundaries of the available options. Women with "textbook" birth experiences can feel traumatised by the process, when their needs, preferences, decisions and consent are perceived to be disregarded.<br />
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If women approach birth fully informed about all of the available options, they can add contingencies to their birth plan. If the situation changes, they can make an informed decision quickly, whether it be a confident choice to accept an intervention, or an <a href="http://starfalldoula.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/not-saying-yes.html" target="_blank">informed choice to refuse it</a>.<br />
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As birth workers we can help by talking frankly about caesarean birth and the options that come with it. We can talk about avoiding unnecessary surgery by looking at alternatives (such as breech delivery, OFP and VBAC), by avoiding interventions that are known to increase caesarean rates (such as continuous monitoring, epidurals and induction) and birthing options to promote natural birth (such as active birth and natural pain management).<br />
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We can also find ways to improve the experience of caesarean birth, for mother and baby. This video shows some excellent ideas for small changes that can be made to improve the experience of caesarean birth for mothers and babies. It's important to remember that positive birth experiences aren't just an airy ideal for crunchy hippies, these measures are improving physical and psychological wellbeing of both mother and baby in numerous ways.<br />
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[there are graphic scenes of surgery in the video]<br />
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In my prenatal yoga classes, I use <a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=sites&srcid=ZGVmYXVsdGRvbWFpbnxzdGFyZmFsbGRvdWxhfGd4OjYyNzkyMGNhNWU4OGU0Nzg" target="_blank">this handout,</a> to break down some of the options parents may wish to add to their birth preferences in case of ceasarean birth.<br />
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Although the video above discusses elective sections, it is possible to implement some of these measures in an emergency situation too.<br />
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My second child was born by category 1/crash section. My notes report that the time from making the decision to operate to birth was 31 minutes, though to me, it felt much less. My husband spoke to the midwife while they were getting his scrubs, and highlighted the c-section part of my birth plan. My OB was brilliantly helpful. I had a spinal block (although a general had been discussed), he was shown to me as soon as he was born, then laid on my legs, skin to skin, for 2 minutes before his cord was clamped. After that he was placed straight on my chest where he nursed while they stitched me back up. They even kept my placenta aside for encapsulation later.<br />
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Despite the frightening frame within which it happened, I came away feeling very positive about my son's birth.<br />
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If we allow caesarean birth to be "the elephant in the room". If we do not take opportunities to talk about it, then we are preventing women from having this kind of positive experience, and what does that leave them with?<br />
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It is really important to understand, in fact not just understand, but to believe, know even, that a good birth does not have to fit specific methodological criteria. A good birth can be a home birth, it can be a hospital birth, it can even be a surgical birth. A good birth does not have to fit the original birth plan. Most importantly of all, hope for a good birth is never lost, simply because it is necessary to make a decision we hoped we wouldn't have to.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-65469629870726369372013-06-24T07:33:00.003-07:002013-06-24T07:33:58.563-07:00Some more of my writingI have been writing a bit for Yahoo UK Lifestyle recently, here are some articles of mine relevant to this blog:<br />
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<a href="http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/fell-love-babywearing-155000629.html" target="_blank">How I fell in love with babywearing</a><br />
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<a href="http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/hypnobirthing-helped-stop-being-afraid-giving-birth-175100712.html" target="_blank">Hypnobirthing and fear of giving birth</a><br />
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<a href="http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/baby-sign-language-made-difference-baby-123200519.html" target="_blank">Baby sign language</a>Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-63677307086027112272013-04-11T13:33:00.001-07:002013-04-13T02:26:00.187-07:00Choosing your baby carrierA while back I promised a blog about different types of carriers for babywearing, this is going to be a big one, so lets get straight in...<br />
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<h4>
Structured carriers</h4>
For the expectant parent, the world of babywearing can look big and complicated, structured carriers with harnesses and buckles are quite approachable.<br />
Check that the carrier has a wide seat, your baby should be supported from knee to knee, to protect their developing hips as they sit in their natural carried position, upright with their legs tucked up and wrapped around your body.<br />
A good example of these is the Ergo, or Connecta.<br />
Be aware that a carrier with pre-positioned buckles will need to be adjusted every time you wear it, to ensure the baby is seated above your waist, secure within the carrier and against your body. A change of clothes will change how the carrier fits, you need to check the adjustment every time.<br />
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<h4>
Stretchy wraps</h4>
Newborns love a stretchy wrap, they tend to be lightweight, jersey type fabric; they are wonderfully supportive and snug. You can nurse your baby in a stretchy wrap quite comfortably. You need to practice putting them on, but it's really not that hard once you have done it a couple of times (pro-tip, practice before the baby arrives), and because they stretch, you just need to fit the wrap to your body, it will stretch to accommodate the baby. This is also very handy for the beginner wrapper, as you can get your wrap right without having to juggle the baby.<br />
The Moby and Boba wrap are good examples of this style. They tend to be fairly easy on the budget too, but be aware that your baby will outgrow this wrap, probably at around 6 months, when they get too heavy and stretch it too far! You cannot safely use a stretchy wrap to carry your baby on your back.<br />
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<h4>
Woven wraps</h4>
These are the top end of the wrap world. If you wear your baby a lot, they are a sound investment. Woven from blends of cotton, linen, silk, hemp and bamboo, these wraps have very limited stretch and are very supportive, even for large toddlers. They come in a range of sizes, dependent on how you plan to wear them and your body size. It takes a bit of practice to use these, as you wrap the baby onto your body, and there is an art to getting the right tension and a snug fit. Some fabrics are easier to handle than others, and new wraps need to be broken in by washing and using - as a beginner it is often worth buying second hand for this reason, as well as budget.<br />
These wraps last a long while, and hold their resale value well, many babywearers buy a special wrap (often a limited edition design) to keep as a legacy for their child to wear their grandchildren in.<br />
Brands to seek out are Didymos, Natibaby and Girasol.<br />
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<h4>
Ring slings</h4>
A ring sling is a handy tool to have around. They are quick to put on and adjust, they pack down small into your bag and they are great for nursing in. You can wear a newborn up high on your chest/shoulder (never be tempted to use a cradle carry), a bigger baby on your chest or hip, and a toddler on your back. Use one around the house for when you need both hands, keep one in your car for those short errands, carry one in your bag for when your toddler's legs get tired.<br />
Some are padded, on the shoulder, and/or the rails (the hemmed edges, top and bottom) but if you have a padded sling, make sure the padding sits in the right place when you are wearing it, different sized wearers will need the padding in different places.<br />
They do take a bit of a knack to adjust right (make sure the fabric is spread across your back to spread the weight, and your baby is sitting deep in a hammock of fabric with their knees up). They are also asymmetrical, which can be a strain with a heavy baby, and ideally you should alternate the shoulder you wear it on.<br />
One last warning, there are some cheap ring slings available on ebay and the like, which are of inferior quality, usually in terms of the rings being too weak and deforming during use. Go through a trusted brand and supplier, who use good, strong rings.<br />
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<h4>
Pouch slings</h4>
These work on a similar principle to the ring sling, but they are pre-sized. You have to buy a pouch sling to your measurements, so no sharing between carers (unless you are identical in size). They are small and light, very cheap (you can make them yourself from a strong cotton fabric) and great for keeping a baby held on your hip comfortably. They are less supportive than other slings, I tend to naturally wrap my arm around the baby's back unless I am using that hand, but they are very handy for short errands and they take the strain off your arm.<br />
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<h4>
Asian carriers </h4>
There is a whole range of carriers that fit under this umbrella, the most common being the mei tai. At their most basic these are a square of fabric, with straps that are arranged, usually around the waist and shoulders. Some have 2 sets of straps, some have one which passes through D rings to meet the carrier at 2 points.<br />
These carriers are often marketed from birth, but usually are not really supportive enough for a baby that cannot yet hold their head up, or preferably sit with support. They are light, cool to wear in the summer, and easy to convert for carrying on the back.<br />
The Connecta is a structured carrier that uses a mei tai design, but fastens with buckles rather than being tied.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/v/554012_10151605761496869_1677095492_n.jpg?oh=62101b0c07010db8a984eefbb2fccc71&oe=516B2B94&__gda__=1366030588_34e105f49122ed0f5cc9c1912bb64a7e" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" height="150" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/v/554012_10151605761496869_1677095492_n.jpg?oh=62101b0c07010db8a984eefbb2fccc71&oe=516B2B94&__gda__=1366030588_34e105f49122ed0f5cc9c1912bb64a7e" title="A Mei Tai is a handy way to carry your baby once they can sit with support." width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mei tai in action.</td></tr>
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<h3>
The unmentionables</h3>
Some baby carriers on the market fail my <a href="http://starfalldoula.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/tips-for-safe-babywearing.html" target="_blank">"Safe and Secure" checklist</a>, by principle of their design, so I would not recommend these at all. To be clear, these are:<br />
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<h4>
The crotch danglers</h4>
Mentioning no brand names, these aren't hard to spot. The crotch dangler is a structured carrier in a style that is quite popular and very commercially available. The problem, as the nickname suggests, is that the "seat" is too narrow, and instead of supporting the baby's bottom and thigh, holds the baby up by a narrow strap under the crotch; the developing hip is not supported, the baby's centre of gravity is forward as they cannot wrap their legs around the wearer (moreso if they have an outward facing option) making them tough on your back; I have met so many parents who say they found babywearing too much of a strain, when I find out they used these carriers, I get them to try a wrap, suddenly they are comfortable. They are not recommended for more than 20 minutes wear at a time.<br />
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<h4>
Bag slings</h4>
The biggest no-no of the baby carriers. The bag sling looks like a shoulder bag, the baby is worn across the chest in a cradle position with an elastic or drawstring around the upper edge of the "bag" section - they were quite fashionable for a time. These carriers are responsible for several deaths by positional asphyxiation (the chin dropping to the chest and restricting the airway) and overheating. Never put your baby in one.<br />
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<h4>
Framed carriers</h4>
These are the heavy duty rucksack style carriers with a solid frame, they are often used for toddlers. The baby is not secured snugly in the carrier, they rattle around rather than swaying with your gait. The weight of the baby and the carrier is not close to your own centre of gravity, putting unnecessary strain on the wearer.<br />
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The carrier you choose depends on your baby's age, how often you intend to wear them, for how long, and what you intend to be doing while you wear them. Hopefully this has given you some ideas. From here I would recommend seeking out your local sling library or babywearing specialist. It is also well worth visiting the <a href="http://naturalmamas.co.uk/" target="_blank">Natural Mamas forum</a>, for advice and preloved sling sales.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-69584887047002002552013-03-24T11:09:00.002-07:002013-03-24T11:09:48.057-07:00A warning about babywearing.So babywearing, it's an obsession. When you start out, you don't realise, or you see others in the grip of the addiction and you think "no, that would never be me". Then it creeps up, and one day you find yourself thinking "you know, I really do need another wrap". It keeps happening, and happening, then one day, you realise you have a wrap collection (or "stash" as we call it on the streets) <a href="http://www.naturalmamas.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?137916-Stash-pictures">like this.</a><br />
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Of course the actual wearing of the baby is important, we all love that bit, but the appropriation of new "fluff" has a drive all of its own.<br />
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My husband has a solution for this. It goes "How many wraps can you wear at once? Well that is how many you need!" Oh but was he ever wrong.<br />
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<a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p206x206/487172_10152473531460287_1373899724_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p206x206/487172_10152473531460287_1373899724_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
You see I need a short wrap, for quick back carries, like rucks and tibetans. it has to be small so it is light and easy to transport, I even made it a little tidy from scraps of other wraps, like some weird cannibalistic armour (don't worry, no wraps were harmed, the scraps came from the Lenny Lamb factory as part of a craft competition).<br />
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Then I have my mid length wrap that is for solid front carries as well as back carries, I use that one the most.<br />
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Finally I have my maxi length wrap. 5.45 metres of gorgeous woven teal and purple dragons. Long enough to securely wrap a wriggly toddler in a double hammock, with tails to spare.<br />
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If it is going to be cold out, then it's worth investing in a wool-mix wrap, so really, I need a wool version of at least 2 of the above, right? It has been ever so chilly lately. When it gets warm however, I need linen wraps, so that's another couple (in reality both my shorty and maxi are linen blends, but you get the idea).<br />
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That's before we even start to consider aesthetics. Clearly I need to co-ordinate with my outfits, I need classy designs for serious occasions, fun designs for everyday. Colour co-ordination has to be considered....<br />
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I NEED ALL THE WRAPS!<br />
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Then there is the wants. If you are uninitiated, then take a look at <a href="http://wovenwrapsdatabase.com/#">some of the beautiful designs the big wrap manufacturers create</a> every single season. See how beautiful they all are? It's not just a tool to carry your baby in, it's a work of art.<br />
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This is what has brought me to my current dilemma. I need a replacement/alternative for my mid length wrap, it's a size 6, so maybe a 5 to bridge the gap between that and my shortie would be good. I'd like a linen or silk mix. Easy! I know the size, I know the fabric, no problem!<br />
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So I have spent an afternoon scouring the preloved wrap boards. I have found the design I want, and the perfect colour I want it in - my unicorn, but no one is selling it. I know that now anything else I find will seem second rate. I have found an adequate alternative, the right design in a colour I like, but it's too long. Another in a gorgeous pattern, and a colour I don't have anything akin to, but it's expensive. I have found another that would be great, but it is so similar to my middle wrap that I could only justify it by selling that wrap and outright replacing it. I put out a request for options and was flooded with offers, all of which I would love, but none of which are quite "it".<br />
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I'm just going to have to buy a couple more wraps ;)<br />
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*Disclaimer. It is perfectly possible to wear your baby with only one wrap. A quality mid-sized cotton wrap is a great workhorse that will see you through from birth to toddler and still be good to sell on or keep for your next child. Just don't tell my husband.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-89681833642510122532013-03-07T03:57:00.000-08:002013-03-07T04:07:51.716-08:00Tips for safe babywearing.I've just come back from meeting a lovely group of mamas and talking to them about babywearing, so I thought today I would share my checklist for a safe and secure carrier.<br />
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There are lots of different types of carrier out there, some are very versatile, some are best in particular situations, and some just need to be avoided. I will write more on types of carriers at some point in the future, but today I am going to tell you the rules to follow to check any carrier, or to check a wrap after you have tied it.<br />
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<b>Tight and upright.</b><br />
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Your carrier should be firmly secured, your baby should be close to your body, not rattling around inside the carrier. If your carrier has harnesses, make sure that they are correctly adjusted every time you wear it, as even a change of clothing and make the carrier less secure.<br />
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Babies who are not able to sit with support are best in a carrier that supports their whole body, like a stretchy wrap, once they can sit up, they are ready for a more open carrier, like a mei tai, if you prefer.<br />
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Some carriers, and some wrap methods, allow you to carry your baby in a cradled position. I would not advise this. Even new babies are very comfortable being carried upright, as long as the carrier supports their neck appropriately. In the cradle position there is a risk that your baby will drop their chin onto their chest, which compromises their breathing. In an upright position your baby will also be able to react to your movement, rather than being jostled around, they will learn to balance into the sway of your walk, this aids the development of their balance and muscle tone. They will also be able to peep out and observe your surroundings, other people and your conversations. Worn babies get a great social life!<br />
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<b>Chin off chest</b><br />
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I cannot push this point enough, it is absolutely vital. A newborn does not have the head control to prevent their chin dropping down into a head position that could potentially obstruct the airway. This is more a problem associated with bag slings (if you have one, bin it, now, no, burn it ceremonially, whatever you do, do not carry a baby in it) and cradle positions in wraps. When your baby is upright on your chest they rest their face against you and can't drop their chin. Just to be safe though, check, you should be able to fit 2 fingers between the chin and chest.<br />
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If your baby is less than 4 months old, or is not yet able to support their own head, make sure you always have line of sight to be able to check this, so no back carrying before that point.<br />
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<b>Parent facing.</b><br />
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Whether your baby is on your back or front, they should be facing into your body with their legs wrapped around you. This is the position they naturally go into when you pick them up. Facing outward does not complement the developing curvature of their spine, and it shifts their weight away from your body, putting more of a strain on you. There are also arguments that psychologically, the outward facing view, with no option to "escape" by snuggling their face into you, is overwhelming for small babies.<br />
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<b>Close to your centre of gravity</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOeZbfOMyH3KT-D1VCFDzRdOsose0iEjW9pCjBms7Be1isZGOlqp0SaCT7ne2N7vfSomqOcEOLKncl6wZA4_yXLc34bkzTqsfZMMhJM284GPUF_UeCRgBTZ-7bSudaxOjJLgP2iJgrqcfe/s1600/66277_474445366868_503476868_6831245_1123152_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOeZbfOMyH3KT-D1VCFDzRdOsose0iEjW9pCjBms7Be1isZGOlqp0SaCT7ne2N7vfSomqOcEOLKncl6wZA4_yXLc34bkzTqsfZMMhJM284GPUF_UeCRgBTZ-7bSudaxOjJLgP2iJgrqcfe/s1600/66277_474445366868_503476868_6831245_1123152_n.jpg" /></a>Your baby's centre of gravity should be as close to yours as you can manage, the babywearing adage <b>"close enough to kiss"</b> covers more than just this rule. Firstly they should be fairly high on your body, higher than most assume, their bottom should be above your belly button - any lower and you will be straining your lower back. Tiny newborns can be carries higher on your chest, or shoulder in a ring sling, but as they get heavier, and taller, the belly button rule is a good guide. When back carrying however, be careful of going to far the other way, you will feel uncomfortable if your baby is too high, and they will not be as secure in the wrap.<br />
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With their legs wrapped around you their centre of gravity is closer to yours, and when they are held tightly to your body the strain on you is greatly reduced. It is worth considering here the structured rucksack type carriers (the ones with a stiff frame), these hold your baby loosely and quite far from your body, so are much harder to carry than a baby tightly wrapped on your back.<br />
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<b>Allows natural movement</b><br />
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For comfort, and muscle development, your baby should have some freedom of movement in the carrier, they need to be able to bounce a little to absorb the shock of your footsteps, whilst still being secure. There should be no pressure from straps or folds of the wrap to impair their circulation. Swaddling a baby before carrying them is not a good idea, both for the sake of their movement, and to avoid overheating.<br />
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<b>Froggy legs</b><br />
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Babies have a natural leg position, much like a frog. With the knees bent the hips are below the knees and the lower leg is loose. Your carrier should honour this natural position.<br />
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Tiny babies will tuck their knees right up to their body. At this stage babies are happiest in a soft wrap or ring sling with their legs tucked in alongside their body, it will become clear when they are ready to stretch out.<br />
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The carrier should support the baby from knee to knee, with their bottom sitting down inside a hammock of fabric. Beware of structured carriers that have only a narrow band of support, known not-so-affectionately as "crotch danglers" by their critics, these do not support the developing hip, and bears the baby's weight uncomfortably on their crotch.<br />
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It takes 2 years for a baby's hip to stabilise, so during this time it is important that they are carried with their knees above their hips, their thighs supported and, once they are past the newborn phase, their lower leg free.<br />
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There is a wide range of baby carriers available, and their suitability for you depends on your needs, lifestyle, baby's weight and preferences. Whichever you choose, apply these rules, and you can carry your baby safely, securely and comfortably.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-72308045467126862002013-02-15T03:49:00.002-08:002013-02-15T04:38:54.620-08:0010 things to do with your baby 0-6 monthsI keep coming across articles (usually on Pinterest) about things to do with tiny babies. They are usually quite intense in terms of structure, props etc, so I thought I would do my own version. These activities are all simple, and very almost free, but they all help nurture and entertain your baby, without being a strain on you:<br />
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<h3>
1. Cuddle.</h3>
Babies love cuddling, up until at least 4 months you can happily make yourself a cuppa and deposit yourself on the sofa, baby in arms. Baby will lie there, gazing at you or snoozing as happy as a clam. Are clams actually happy? Who knows? (Does anyone care even? Poor clams). Your baby however, will be happy, small babies love the warmth of your body, your scent, your heartbeat. It is emotionally, developmentally and physiologically good for them. So enjoy those baby cuddles.<br />
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<h3>
2. Nurse</h3>
Whatever your chosen feeding method. I am using the Sears definition here, where nursing is feeding in a loving and nurturing manner.<br />
Breastfed babies love to suckle, they need to; as well as getting nutrition they are comforted and get the skin to skin contact that makes them feel really close to you. There is a myth that babies need to feed less often than they do (every couple of hours is really not unusual) and that suckling for comfort is a bad thing - it's not, it is normal and beneficial.<br />
If you are bottlefeeding your baby, snuggle down with them, get them skin to skin if you can, make eye contact, talk to them softly, make feeding an emotional exchange.<br />
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<h3>
3. Nap together</h3>
Babies sleep so much better when you are close. They even regulate their breathing and heartrate better by your example. Parents need rest. So make a safe sleeping space - firm, no pillows or heavy blankets, no risk of rolling off - and snuggle down for a nice nap, you will both benefit.<br />
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<h3>
4. Go for a walk</h3>
<a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/156591_10152149495905287_1747068508_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/156591_10152149495905287_1747068508_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>Pop the baby into a sling, let them feel the closeness of your body and enjoy the sway of your movements. It's like being back in the womb. This is a really great way of settling a fussy or overtired baby. Walk somewhere that you get something out of. A favoured route, a social call, window shopping, whatever you find rewarding.<br />
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<h3>
5. Chat</h3>
Babies start understanding our language long before they can speak themselves or even demonstrate their understanding. It's also excellent preparation for both of you to start conversing as early as possible. Talk to your baby about what you are doing, things of interest you come across, how you are feeling, ask them questions. Give them space to respond, even from before birth (preemies do it too) babies will converse in terms of responding to your speech and leaving a space for you to respond back.<br />
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<h3>
6. Sing</h3>
It doesn't matter whether you are any good, your baby will love your singing voice. You can sing nursery rhymes, lullabies, pop songs, it doesn't really matter, but they love repetition. If you are still unsure about how to sing to your baby, you could attend a baby singing class. These rites of humiliation, where mothers sing nursery rhymes to confused babies, are a great way to make friends by mutual discomfort.<br />
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<h3>
7. Bathe together</h3>
We are back to skin-to-skin again. Co-bathing helps new babies get used to the bath, and once they start to enjoy it they can share the fun with you. It also solves the issue of what to do with the baby while you wash.<br />
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<h3>
8. Get on with your day</h3>
Many of the things we consider mundane are fascinating to children who find new things fascinating. My 2 1/2 year old still loves the supermarket, for the colours, new faces and naming everything I put in the trolley. A small baby will often enjoy watching you sort laundry from their bouncer, or making faces at cashiers from their carrier,<br />
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<h3>
9. Baby massage/yoga</h3>
OK, this one is a bit fancy, but I am sneaking it in. You can attend a class (where you can meet people and get direct tuition) or there are books and videos on the market. It's a nice bonding exercise that you will both get a lot out of.<br />
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<h3>
10. Look in the mirror.</h3>
Babies love mirrors, they don't recognise their reflection until they are much older, but they still find them fascinating and hilarious. If you are carrying your baby past a mirror, pause and take a moment to let them play.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-71355473367261732172012-12-06T06:26:00.002-08:002012-12-06T06:26:23.417-08:00Just who is brandishing the switch?I have noticed myself getting fairly ranty lately. I briefly struggled to resolve being an angry activist with being a gentle, non-judgemental doula, but then I realised, it's the balance, it is the mama bear saying "LEAVE THE POOR MUMS ALONE" Grrr.<div>
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You see the thing I get most angry about, is when women are denied the freedom to become and continue being a mother on their own terms. To listen to their bodies, to respond to their babies and to do what they know is right. In close second place are those who, although not denying a woman her freedom, support her inappropriately so as to insidiously undermine her confidence, and make her feel guilty for doing what feels right to her, leaving her with no comfortable option.</div>
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I am talking about the "rod for your back", and I shall begin by giving an example.</div>
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Imagine a new mum is tentatively planning a night out, the first one since birth. Perhaps she is aching for some time alone with her partner, perhaps she is a bridesmaid feeling obliged to attend a hen night, it doesn't matter really. Nor does it matter how she chooses to parent for now, what matters is how people respond to her. Imagine she updates her Facebook/Twitter or posts a question on a forum and it goes something like this:</div>
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"I'm really nervous about leaving baby for the first time this weekend"</div>
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You can guarantee that amongst the replies you will find some variant of the following:</div>
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"Oh no, that's far too early to leave him, he'll miss you so much, you aren't going to drink are you?" </div>
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and</div>
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"Leave him, it will do you both good, he needs to learn to be independent or you are making a rod for your own back",</div>
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[inevitably I read both of these and have to go and have a little lie down, and this is why...]</div>
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Both of these replies suggest judgement. What does she do now? If she goes out she is a bad neglectful mother in the eyes of her friends/family (or gods forbid, <i>strangers on the internet</i>), if she stays in she is cultivating a mummy's boy who will still be co-sleeping with her when he goes to university (and that could be awkward).</div>
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But she didn't ask for judgement. We can't be sure whether she was looking for reassurance to give her peace of mind, or permission to change her mind and stay with her baby, but these responses won't help either way. What she needs is to be listened to, and given the opportunity to process her options in an environment that reassures her that she has the ability to come to the right decision <i>for her and her child</i>.</div>
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"A rod for your own back" is my most detested phrase in child rearing, as an "Attachment Parenting" mother I have heard it quite a lot. It is a horrendous threat of some imaginary consequence of the mother<i> attending to her baby's needs</i>. It leaves a mother either upset by not being "allowed" to have the closeness with her child she physically craves, or feeling guilty that she is moulding them into a non-functional person. It is not the future child that will punish the mother for her choices, it is the person making the judgement, right here, today.</div>
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The thing that strikes me, is that the critics who threaten mothers with the futuristic stick are rarely going to be exposed to the consequences of the parenting in question. Is the neighbour, aunt, or old schoolfriend going to be affected if an 11 month old is still nursing to sleep? Highly unlikely, but we can't help but interfere. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and it is certainly true that people always seem to have an opinion and a strong urge to relate it when a child is involved.</div>
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I think it's lovely that even nowadays people to take a community interest in raising children, and it is wonderful when awareness is raised, people are educated and children benefit as a result. But before we go sticking our oars in, lets try to pause for a moment. Listen to the parents, what are they asking of you? What do they want? How can you give them information without alienating them? And most importantly, how valid, in their world, is your opinion? Are you going to make life better for the parent, or worse, and if it is the latter, can you just sit on your hands until the urge passes?</div>
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[Postscript: I deliberately avoided making this into a comment on the benefits, or otherwise of parenting styles, but for reassurance: My co-sleeping baby now sleeps in his own room, it took very little effort because he was ready; the baby that nursed to sleep well past a year old eventually stopped, and now settles himself happily singing to his bears; and the baby I "never put down" now runs away up the climbing frames at soft play and won't come back to me for 4 hours, even when tempted with snacks, until I physically wrestle him out of the place. On baby number 2, I now have no fear of the rod.]</div>
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Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-47260242914743415802012-10-30T06:24:00.001-07:002012-12-06T05:27:00.421-08:00Not saying yes.I was going to write about yoga today, but a conversation on a certain high profile parenting forum inspired me to bring forward a post I wanted to write in the wake of the release of the film <a href="http://www.freedomforbirth.com/">Freedom for Birth</a>.<br />
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The discussion, like the film, was about bodily autonomy, a woman's right to decide what happens to her body, specifically during birth, and a woman's right to refuse or withdraw consent for any procedure.<br />
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A common response to the fact that a birthing mother does have the right to say "no" was a concern that the procedure she is offered may well be life saving for her or her baby, and perhaps that no caring mother would refute the recommendations of her medical carers. There seems to be a confusion here, that a woman not following the policy of her health service trust is wilfully and ignorantly endangering her health and that of her child. There also seemed to be the impression that to refuse consent to a procedure, was to refuse all medical intervention.<br />
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The standard policy of your maternity unit may be exactly suited to your situation, and explaining your right to follow another route, is not intended as a critique. These policies must be based on a combination what is best for the "average" mother and baby, and what is best for the hospital (in terms of resources, legal fallout etc). Not all mothers are average, sometimes what's best for the hospital is not best for the patient. Sometimes an individual hospital has yet to update their policies to meet with <a href="http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/index.jsp?action=byTopic&o=7253#/search/?reload">NICE guidelines</a>, so not take into account more recent research evidence.<br />
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So this post is not, as planned, about your right to "say no", it is about what you can say instead of "saying yes".<br />
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Before we start though, I should make the key fact clear, that even when in a life threatening situation, no medical intervention can happen without the informed consent of the patient, or their next of kin if they cannot give informed consent. To continue with a procedure without consent is a criminal act on behalf of the medical professional, they will always seek consent (even if it as phrased as "I'm going to examine you now,OK?"), and you have the right to respond as you see fit.<br />
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So what measures can we take to ensure our right to choose the circumstances of our childrens' birth (as confirmed by the European Court of Human Rights) is exercised, without putting ourselves and our children in harms way. I'm going to break it down like this:<br />
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Before the birth-<br />
1) Take preventative measures to reduce the likelihood of an intervention becoming necessary.<br />
2) Inform yourself of all the options when you make your birth plan.<br />
3) Plan in advance for all eventualities so as not to be put on the spot.<br />
4) Have an informed, birth partner ready to objectively support you in your decisions.<br />
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During labour.<br />
5) Ask your health care professionals to fully inform you about the intervention they are suggesting.<br />
6) Ask your HCP why they are suggesting this intervention over an alternative.<br />
7) Ask for an alternative intervention.<br />
8) Ask to wait and see if the situation changes.<br />
9) Ask for a second opinion.<br />
10) Have the intervention on your own terms.<br />
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<b><u>Before labour, your toolkit for avoiding the question...</u></b><br />
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<b>1) Take preventative measures to reduce the likelihood of an intervention becoming necessary.</b><br />
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There is a lot of research evidence linking certain practices in pregnancy and labour to reduced levels of intervention, usually by encouraging the natural processes and having patience and faith to allow them to unfold. When making your birth plan, try to be positive about what you <i>will</i> do to improve the birth process, rather than simply listing the things you don't want to happen.<br />
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In brief, you need to promote the production of oxytocin. If birth isn't progressing in hospital, it is often recommended that you supplement with synthetic oxytocin, which has a range of side effects, including reducing your natural oxytocin production, and is often the beginning of the <i>cascade of intervention*</i>. Oxytocin is "the hormone of love" you produce it when you feel safe, relaxed and loved, when you look someone you care about in the eye and when you feel a caring touch. Dim lights, comforting sounds and smells, keeping strangers away from you, massage (if you feel like it), kissing (ditto), hugs, your birth partner in the pool with you - all this will promote oxytocin and keep your contractions strong. Some alternative therapies, such as clary sage oil on a sponge to inhale, will also help.<br />
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It is often said that a baby's position is more important for a smooth delivery than their size. It is certainly true that the dilation of the cervix depends upon an even pressure being applied from the baby's head. It is well known that OP (back to back) labours tend to be longer and more painful, increasing the likelihood that you will be offered augmentation (a drug to speed up labour) or want pharmaceutical pain relief. Optimal Foetal Positioning (OFP) uses various exercises and lifestyle changes to improve the chances of your baby engaging in a good position for birth. In a good pre-natal yoga class you will be taught exercises to help guide your baby into position. Moving around, changing position and moving your hips during contractions will help position your baby in early labour. If you know your baby is in an unfavourable position <a href="http://www.spinningbabies.com/">Spinning Babies</a> has a range of techniques to help encourage them into a better one.<br />
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Water birth encourages all the good things in birth, you are upright, supported, comfortable, you can easily change position, and it is quite hard to interrupt a woman in a birth pool for interventions or superfluous checks. Water is excellent, soothing pain relief. You don't need to deliver in water, but I would thoroughly recommend it during labour.<br />
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Planning a home birth. Rates of intervention are much lower in planned home births, even when the mother transfers to hospital. The <a href="http://www.homebirth.org.uk/">Homebirth Reference Site</a> is full of information and links to relevant studies, anyone interested in informing themselves about birth (even hospital births) should check it out. At home it is much easier to have an active birth, and maintain an oxytocin friendly environment. As you are on "your territory" it is often easier to stand firm on your decisions, the dynamic of power between you and the midwives is very different. Women who have previously had caesareans are more likely to have a vaginal birth if they stay at home longer before going to hospital (<a href="http://vbacfacts.com/quick-facts/">VBAC facts</a> is a helpful resource of you are in this position, as is the homebirth site above). If a home birth is not suitable, consider a midwife led unit (MLU). When choosing a hospital, <a href="http://www.birthchoiceuk.com/BirthChoiceUKFrame.htm?http://www.birthchoiceuk.com/MaternityCare.htm">statistics are available </a>which give an indication of the intervention culture of the unit (but be aware that a consultant led unit will have a higher proportion of high risk births, and therefore a higher rate of intervention if it is close to or associated with an MLU. as the low risk women will attend the MLU, and any complications there will transfer to the CLU). Tour your intended place of birth, and ask plenty of questions.<br />
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It is worth considering that some interventions that you may not object to, may increase your risk of needing other interventions, for instance continuous electronic foetal monitoring is associated with an increased rate of emergency sections (but no change in outcomes for mothers or babies), this is often referred to as a cascade of intervention*, and you may wish to avoid an apparently benign intervention for this reason.<br />
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That was a long one, but a good birth really does begin in good, positive preparation.<br />
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<b>2) Inform yourself of all the options when you make your birth plan.</b><br />
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Birth is a bit like playing poker, you can't really help what cards you are given, but with the right knowledge and skills you can make the best of the hand you get.<br />
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You don't need to become a self made expert, but do talk through your birth plans with a sympathetic midwife, ante-natal teacher or doula. You need to be aware of the options available to you, and the pros and cons of various routes. If you are offered an intervention, it is well worth knowing the alternatives so that you can ask for them specifically. If you aren't going to follow the standard policy you need to understand why, and your HCPs will be a lot more understanding and supportive of your choices if they are reassured that you have good, educated reasons.<br />
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<b>3) Plan in advance for all eventualities so as not to be put on the spot.</b><br />
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It's good to be positive about birth. Hypnotherapy for birth often involves visualising your ideal birth experience, making it real in your mind and inspiring you with confidence.<br />
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If, however, you some up against an unexpected hitch, it is worth having considered how you might tackle it in advance, and even including that in your birth plan.<br />
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For example, you may not want continuous monitoring, but if a complication arose that indicated it were necessary, you could ask not to be sat on the bed, but on a birth ball instead. If the birth pool were unavailable, what would your back up natural pain relief be?<br />
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In my birth plans, despite planning home births, I also had a section on how I would like things to be handled if I transferred to hospital, and another in case I needed surgery. It's OK to have a Plan B, and a Plan C, going off your original plan doesn't have to mean automatically reverting to the default.<br />
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<b>4) Have an informed, birth partner ready to objectively support you in your decisions.</b><br />
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Support is absolutely key. During birth your higher brain takes a step back and your primitive hindbrain takes over. You may find it hard to process questions posed to you, or understand explanations, the effort of doing so will take you out of your birthing frame of mind and disrupt the process. No matter how intelligent and strong in your convictions you are now, in labour you are vulnerable. Besides, you have more important things to focus on than asking questions.<br />
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Your birth partners need to be completely supportive of your choices, they don't have to agree to them, but must be committed to following them through with you. They should be familiar with your birth plan, and have their own copies for reference. Should they have to advocate for you, it is easier if they have a written version of your wishes to hand. They should be capable of following the points below, asking questions on your behalf, and "translating" the situation to you should it become busy or overwhelming.<br />
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A doula is a good option, as she should be well informed and be able to direct you towards information and options you may not have heard of otherwise, and as an objective servant to your needs, she should support you regardless of her own opinions or emotional involvement. You may have a friend or relative who can do this for you.<br />
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It is also worth having 2 people whose sole responsibility is your care. They can also support each other, take breaks and fetch and carry for you without leaving you on your own. If you are having a home birth, and have older children in the house, it is worth having a 3rd person to take care of them, especially in case you need to transfer to hospital, as you can then have both your birth partners with you in hospital.<br />
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With all this in place you should be fully prepared for your own tailor made birth.<br />
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<b><u>During labour, alternatives to saying "yes".</u></b><br />
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<b>5) Ask your health care professionals to fully inform you about the intervention they are suggesting.</b><br />
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To give informed consent, you need to be informed, all HCPs are familiar with this, and will be very happy to explain the situation if you ask. I would not suggest at all that you argue with your HCPs, expect them to be open to a frank discussion of your care.<br />
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A good thing to remember here is to "use your BRAIN":<br />
What are the <b>Benefits</b> of the suggested course of action? Why is it being suggested?<br />
What are the <b>Risks</b> or side effects of the intervention?<br />
What <b>Alternatives</b> are available to me?<br />
What does my <b>Intuition</b> tell me? Birthing mothers are often incredibly good at knowing what they need, if they listen to, and trust their body.<br />
What would happen if we did <b>Nothing</b>? Not necessarily forever, but it is perfectly reasonable to ask to wait 20 minutes, and reassess the situation, go through this process again, and see if you feel differently then; if not, wait another 20 minutes. There are very few situations in birth where such a wait will cause an issue, and if you are experiencing one of them, your HCPs will tell you.<br />
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<b>6) Ask your HCP why they are suggesting this intervention over an alternative.</b><br />
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This fits with the points above and below, but it is a key point. Is it safer? Is it quicker? More likely to succeed? Is it due to staff training, experience or preference? Is it because it is most suited to your current situation, or is it the default?<br />
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<b>7) Ask for an alternative intervention.</b><br />
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The first option you are presented with is unlikely to be the only option. Rather than going into a lot of detail here on the pros and cons of each, I am going to present you with some alternatives to common interventions, that are worth researching or asking about:<br />
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Instead of forceps, ask about ventouse (it is often, but not always offered first), if you are able, ask to wait a bit to stand up and walk, sway your hips or shake your legs (yes really), or just turn onto all fours, a change of position often makes pushing easier.<br />
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Instead of an episiotomy "in case" you tear, you can ask to be left to tear, there is evidence that tears are often less serious and heal quicker, you also might not tear at all. You are less likely to tear in water.<br />
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Instead of an elective section at 38 weeks, you can ask to wait until you are full term, or the first signs of labour, to ensure your baby is really ready.<br />
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Instead of being induced when you are "overdue", you can ask for expectant monitoring, to check your baby is happy and healthy, and choose induction only if a problem is detected.<br />
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Instead of an elective section for certain "high risk" births such as twins, breech or VBAC, ask about vaginal delivery. It is worth knowing that although the consultant in charge of the unit may have a preference for caesarean delivery, other doctors or midwives on the unit may have the skills and confidence to support you in a vaginal delivery, but it is up to you to ask.<br />
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Instead of directed pushing (coaching) ask to be allowed to follow your own body's cues (this may mean waiting a while before you feel the urge), if you have an epidural, you can ask to let it wear off for the pushing stage.<br />
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Instead of continuous electronic foetal monitoring, ask for intermittent monitoring.<br />
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Instead of augmenting a slow labour with synthetic oxytocin, try moving around to help the baby descend, encourage oxytocin with cuddles, massage, dark, privacy etc. Use acupressure points to encourage contractions, clary sage oil and.... patience.<br />
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<b>8) Ask to wait and see if the situation changes.</b><br />
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Birth is a dynamic process, and the situation changes constantly. If there is indication that an intervention might be beneficial, it may be worth waiting for a little while, and seeing if things change. If for instance early labour seems slow, you can take that time to withdraw to a calm, oxytocin friendly environment.<br />
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It is also worth having the time to carefully consider your situation without the pressure of an audience of medical professionals.<br />
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<b>9) Ask for a second opinion.</b><br />
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If you are not happy with the dialogue between yourself and any doctor or midwife caring for you, you are always able to request the opinion of someone else. In the worst case you can ask that someone else takes over your care, but hopefully a fresh perspective in the conversation will clarify the outstanding issues.<br />
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<b>10) Have the intervention on your own terms.</b><br />
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Sometimes, after exhausting the alternatives, a mother-to-be finds herself facing a birth very different to her plan. There is no need to completely throw away all of your plans, it is possible to maintain control and make the best of the hand you have been dealt. It is much easier to face these situations if you know that it is still your final choice.<br />
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Look at your plan and consider which key parts are important to you. Consider how they could be transferred to your new situation. Birth partners can help make your hospital delivery room homely, you can have your own music, low lighting, you can restrict the number of people that come into the room.<br />
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If you wanted to be upright and active, but need monitoring consider sitting on a ball or kneeling resting your upper body on the bed or a chair.<br />
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Even when there are major interventions, you can still insist on skin to skin contact immediately after birth (even in an operating theatre). Delayed cord clamping is possible, even after an emergency caesarean<br />
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Small changes like this will help you feel better about your birth, even if it doesn't go to plan.<br />
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There is far more I could say about alternative birth planning, but hopefully this overview has been enough to make it clear that choosing not to follow trust policy in your care plan, is not equivalent to forgoing all medical assistance; in fact what it is really about is starting a dialogue with your HCPs, saying "OK, I get why you want to do this, but can we discuss something else that I am more comfortable with?" It opens up a myriad of options, which may be better suited to you and your baby. Exercising your right to bodily autonomy is a gateway to choice.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Cascade of intervention. Synthetic oxytocin produces strong, painful contractions without the high of natural oxytocin to soften it, many women find they cannot manage without an epidural, which means they will end up lying on their back. Even without an epidural, it is known to increase foetal distress, so electronic foetal monitoring is always used, which usually means lying down, and is associated with more emergency ceasareans. Unable to be upright and active the mother often needs instrumental assistance to deliver the baby, and the increased risk of foetal distress leads to a greater chance of needing an emergency caesarean.</span>Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-10064132752586457422012-10-24T06:30:00.002-07:002012-10-24T06:30:40.342-07:00Toddler living.I am drifting away from pregnancy and birth, and into parenting for a bit, after an interesting morning with my 2 year old.<br />
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We were attending a local stay and play session, as we do every week, and I was aware that afterwards I would need to go and buy some bread and bananas in town, before going home for lunch. As we walked up the high street, my eldest made it clear that he wanted to wander into an adjacent courtyard of shops, rather than straight up to the baker. I paused for a second, he seemed quite insistent, so I decided to follow him and see where he took me. We looked in some windows, and chatted about them, and he watched a couple of dogs, then he decided he wanted to go up the stairs to the Goddess Temple. It wasn't open yet, so I suggested to him that perhaps we could get some lunch in town, and go back later.<br />
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Over lunch it occurred to me, why not let go of my plans for the day, and see where he took me instead, like dice living, but with infinite possibilities and fanciful logic. I recognised that there would be limitations, we were also accompanied by my 12 week old, in a sling, and I knew that his own whims may not neatly align with his needs (I could see us ending up the other side of town from the car when he decided his legs were too tired) but I could keep a handle on that.<br />
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It wasn't an unmitigated success to be honest. I had to cheat and hustle him along after 2 minutes stood outside an estate agent point at the floor saying "sick" and then looking over his shoulder and saying "lion", over and over, for no apparent reason. I had to refuse to go into his favourite cafe, as we had just had lunch and needed the last of my change for bananas, also I didn't really want to hang out in the bank. I didn't fancy standing in the middle of the road to look at the clouds, so I got him onto the pavement first.<br />
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But we did spend a very long time looking at a fluffy black dog, stopped to listen to a busker, thoroughly investigated some of the beautiful Halloween window displays (without going in to spend money we didn't have), pretended a sandwich board was a castle, walked at a slow enough pace to appreciate every gum stain on the pavement, and ran all the way down one street, because a little girl ahead of us was. He also held my hand a lot, not because I made him to keep him safe (I had his reins on in case of bolting into traffic), but simply because he wanted to.<br />
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I am very glad for this little experiment. All too often I find myself bustling through errands, hurrying him along or stopping him from wandering off, to fit into a self imposed schedule. It's really refreshing to follow his impulsive and inquisitive viewpoint. He's not loitering, he's learning; he's not running off, he's exploring. No wonder he gets frustrated when he isn't allowed to do it. It's actually pretty impressive how many thoroughly interesting things a curious toddler can find walking down the street, how much learning there is for him, right under our noses, if I stop to let him look, and to talk to him about it all.<br />
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It's definitely a game we shall be trying again soon.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-82217928487393820852012-09-26T13:53:00.001-07:002012-09-26T13:53:19.454-07:00Being a birth partner<i>"If a woman doesn't look like a goddess during labor, someone isn't treating her right"</i><br />
Ina May Gaskin<br />
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As a doula, it is my job to support women on a practical and emotional level, through pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period. It is a task that I often share with the partner, family and/or friends of the mum-to-be, so inevitably it is also my job to support them, and to help them to be as much help to her as they can be. In fact I would much rather do this, then step back and allow the closer family unit to provide the more direct support. So lets assume you are one such birth partner.<br />
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Your friend, daughter, sister or other asks you to be the person to support them in their labour. How exciting! Also, daunting, and scary and "oh crikey, what am I supposed to be doing?" So here are my top tips for being a top birth partner.<br />
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<b>1) Prepare with her.</b><br />
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I realised fairly on in my doulaing, that it is a very zen profession, it's about being, rather than doing. One of the things that brought me to this realisation, was a client telling me how simply confirming that I was to attend her birth, made her feel better about it. When approaching labour myself for the second time, I understood why; knowing who is going to be with you when you are in labour allows you to more clearly visualise how it will happen, putting faces on the people who will be with you really helps, and knowing that they are people you can trust takes away a lot of the worry.<br />
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So once you have agreed to be with a woman, you need to reassure her that you can be depended upon and trusted, you need to keep building the relationship which you presumably already have (that's why she asked you) and help her to build that strong, positive picture of a peaceful birth surrounded by people who love her.<br />
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<b>2) Know her plan.</b><br />
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Preparation also has a very practical side. Every woman has different preferences about how they want to bring their child into the world. Talk through her birth plan so you know what to expect. Who is going to be there? What pain relief does she plan to use (and is there anything you need to do to aid this, e.g. learn how to place the electrodes for her TENS machine)? What kind of atmosphere does she want in her birth space?How does she feel about medical intervention? Does she want the ergometrine injection to deliver the placenta, or would she rather wait for it to come naturally?<br />
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You should be able to arrive for the birth fully prepared to support her in her choices. You won't be able to speak for her, but you can remind her* (or the medical team) of the detail in her birth plan when necessary.<br />
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[*It should be noted that when I say to remind her of her birth plan, I don't mean crossing your arms and tutting and saying "you said you didn't want an epidural"; more along the lines of "you said you wanted to try using a TENS machine, do you feel that might help now". because I completely forgot I had a TENS in my second labour.]<br />
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<b>3) Be available.</b><br />
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The natural length of pregnancy is 37-43 weeks. The baby will usually arrive when it is ready, and the estimated due date given by the midwife is only a vague guess (only 4% of babies arrive on their due dates). Therefore you need to be ready to be at her side, within good time, for that whole period, or at least for 2 weeks either side of the due date. This may mean making sure your work can be flexible, putting off any trips too far afield and keeping a packed bag by the door so you can be out with as little fuss as possible.<br />
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Some births start very quickly with little warning, so it is best if you can always be able to get to her within an hour or so. Even if the labour isn't very fast, an hour can be a long time for a labouring woman to be alone, the less time it takes to get to her, the better, she will appreciate knowing you will be right there when she calls. Keep your phone on at all times, and let her know if you have to be out of signal range, or switched off for any period of time, so she doesn't panic if she can't get through.<br />
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<b>4) Be present.</b><br />
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When I say "be present" I am not talking about being physically there, we just did that. You need to be focussed on being with her. Switch your phone off (or put it to one side on silent if you need to periodically check it) and engage with her needs. This may mean spending time with her, talking to her, rubbing her back etc, or it may mean taking a step back and concentrating on maintaining a peaceful space for her. Whatever you are actually doing, you need to completely commit to supporting the birthing mother, wholeheartedly.<br />
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<b>5) Leave yourself at the door.</b><br />
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The birth space is sacred. However you look at it. You can think of that literally, in spiritual terms, or if you can't stomach that, think of it scientifically. Birth is controlled by a delicate balance of hormones, get it right and she is riding waves of endorphins, get it wrong and her progress can slow, stop completely or even regress. Fear or doubt are inhibitors of birth, love and comfort promote it.<br />
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When you enter that space it is important that you do not bring all your "baggage" with you. Work stress, a fight with a partner, fear for the mother-to-be, none of these things belong here. Drop them at the door. Similarly your own pre-conceptions, judgement and even negative experiences of birth. Walk into that room with nothing but love and support, you are there for her, and nothing else.<br />
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When I enter a house as a doula (even as a postnatal doula), I imagine a large pot at the door, where I dump "myself", my troubles, preferences, the daily grind, and cross the threshold pure in purpose. Supporting a birthing mother when I myself was pregnant, I was repeatedly confused that the midwives kept making comments like "you'll be next". I had honestly forgotten about my own pregnancy, it was irrelevant here, and I certainly did not need to be bringing my expectations or issues about my own birth into someone else's space.<br />
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<b>6) Make her the centre of your universe.</b><br />
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There are very few occasions where the focus of an event is just the needs of one person. Birth is one of them. The mother-to-be will always be the most important person in the room, her needs, indeed her whims should always come first. So give yourself up for a few hours and watch her turn into a goddess.Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752864779602548466.post-79959075145564942742012-09-22T16:56:00.000-07:002012-09-23T03:35:19.199-07:00What will my new baby need?Something that has come up in discussion a fair bit recently, is shopping for a new baby.<br />
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My second baby is 7 weeks old now, he didn't really need anything new, as we kept all of his brother's kit. Moving house in late pregnancy also forced me to think really hard about which items I would need to hand, and which could be stacked at the bottom of a pile of things that probably won't be sorted out until he goes to school.<br />
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I was fairly frugal with my first, being determined not to succumb to the lure of the Mothercare catalogue. Those endless checklists of "must haves" only ever seem to be written by people who make more money the more pointless gadgets you buy, in desperate hope that somehow, a nightlight with built in smoke detectors and bottle warmers will make you am adequate parent.<br />
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Despite your fears, your baby won't care whether you have the latest gadget. All a new baby needs is, well... you. Humans practise exogestation. Like kangaroos, our babies are born before they are fully developed, in other apes they would still be a foetus safely tucked away inside mum, but we have big brains, so our babies have to come out while they still fit. This gives rise to what is referred to as "the fourth trimester", a period where your baby's needs are really no more than a foetus, so for at least 3 months, all they need is food, and comfort. You can do this, no big budget required.<br />
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<h4>
Oren's list.</h4>
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So I was faced with considering what items Oren, my youngest son, deprived as he is, has actually used in his first 7 weeks, the list goes like this:</div>
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<li>Clothes, rompers and vests only. A hat and a cardi if it's cold out.</li>
<li>Nappies and wipes.</li>
<li>Muslin squares.</li>
<li>A sling (actually, many slings, but that is my addiction, not his need)</li>
<li>A place to rest when I can't hold him (like in the shower). We have a crib downstairs and a bouncy chair upstairs.</li>
<li>Nursing cushion </li>
<li>Blankets</li>
<li>Car seat.</li>
</ul>
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A lot of this is dependent on my lifestyle however, so lets look in more detail at how this works. I am highlighting the items, in case you get bored and just wanted a list....</div>
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Sleeping</h4>
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New babies do a lot of sleeping. They do like to do it near their mum though. Accepted advice is to keep your baby in your room until they are 6 months old, this reduces the SIDS risk and makes tending to them at night easier.</div>
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I, like many parents (many of whom don't talk about it) co-sleep with my babies. With my first it was upon the advice of the midwife, as he was feeding a lot at night, I was going to end up falling asleep feeding him, so best to make it safe and official. T<a href="http://www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Baby_Friendly/Leaflets/caringatnight_web.pdf">he UNICEF guide to caring for babies at night</a> summarises the safety points to take into account. This is why poor deprived Oren doesn't have a cot or moses basket. His big brother did, he barely used it, it was a waste of space.</div>
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Cribs and moses baskets don't tend to last very long before babies outgrow them. If you buy a cot, they can stay in it for a couple of years. If you buy a <b>cot </b>with an adjustable mattress height (or just one the right height) and a removable side, you can fix it to your bed with bungees and there you have it, a fancy sidecar cot for easy night feeds. Second hand cots are great, but a new <b>mattress</b> is a must.</div>
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As for bedding you need a couple of flannel <b>sheets</b>, and some appropriate <b>blankets </b>(sleeping bags are only suitable from around 8lb upwards, they won't start kicking the sheets off for a couple of months), people tend to give blankets to babies, so you will likely end up with loads.</div>
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Clothes</h4>
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When I think about buying baby clothes, I remember a conversation I overheard between a friend who was mum to a new baby, and another friend who lives a slightly unconventional self-sufficient lifestyle. The new mother complained how expensive baby clothes were, and my other friend replied that her daughter had spent her first couple of months wrapped in a sheepskin. The moral of this story is, <i>the baby doesn't care about fashion.</i></div>
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A baby's requirement for clothes is simply that they need to be warm and comfortable. <b>Sleepsuits and vests </b>are great for this. Fancy outfits can be uncomfortable, difficult to dress them in, and it is proven (by my own research) that the nicer the outfit, the shorter it takes for it to get covered in some sort of vile secretion. A really expensive outfit will have sick applied to it as you pull it over their head. Guaranteed. Some people are a bit funny about babies wearing "pyjamas" all the time, but they sleep most of the time so why not? I certainly wouldn't want to go to bed in jeans.</div>
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From your point of view they should wash ad dry well, and do up easily. For night time, "bundlers" (long nighties with elastic or drawstring bottoms) are brilliant, because you don't have to do the popper puzzle in the dark when you are half asleep. Mothercare always stock a 2 pack of them, and they turn up in various other places too. Poppers that go straight up the front are easiest. Babies tend to object to clothes being pulled over their heads, so sleepsuits that only button at the bottom are more tricky, as are the ones that button down one side, as you have to manoeuvre a wriggly leg into the side that doesn't have poppers. </div>
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As for quantity, you need to get enough to deal with the endless sick and nappy leakages (Our record so far is 4 outfits in a day), but remember they grow fast. When I unpacked the hand-me downs for baby number 2, I found many vests that had never been worn, as a certain number got into the wash/wear cycle, and the rest stayed fresh in the drawer. You can get away with about 10 of each (vests and sleepsuits). If you have a really bad run of laundry, you can always put them in the next size up (they really don't mind being in a big babygro) if you have those tucked away ready.</div>
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Once I caught on to how fast Nate (my eldest) was growing, I realised other babies would be much the same, many good quality, barely worn baby clothes are available on eBay and the like for very little money.</div>
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Transportation</h4>
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Maternity units don't let you out with your baby without a <b>car seat</b>. I have yet to find out what happens if you don't have a car. Regardless of this, if you intend to take your baby in a private car, you will need an appropriate seat (you can travel without in a taxi, but if you have a portable seat and somewhere to put it at your destination, all the better). If you are planning a home birth, it is still worth getting a seat in advance, just in case you need to transfer. No one needs to be held hostage for a carseat. Second hand car seats without a known history aren't a good idea, as they lose their structural integrity in a crash. If you don't intend on using your seat in more than one car, consider a combination (stage 0/1) seat rather than a portable newborn seat as it will last longer, and tends to have a healthier seating position.</div>
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Travel systems<b> </b>are a cost effective way of getting a seat and an enormous <b>pushchair</b>. If you use buses or have limited space to store it, you may find a travel system too big when folded. If you walk everywhere and need a sturdy pushchair to put your shopping in, they are pretty good. </div>
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Nate travelled everywhere for the first 8 months in a <b>sling</b>. There are a load of different kinds, a whole other post-worth, but even though Nate is a big lad, I was comfortably carrying him for a long while. I barely used my pushchair, and I could certainly have done without until he was big enough for a cheaper umbrella fold stroller. Slings are also invaluable for that fourth trimester stuff I was talking about earlier, be a kangaroo, keep your little one close to your body and your hands free. Their physiology works better, they have less reflux, learn more, become more social and are generally calmer and happier. If you wear your baby in a sling regularly, you will get stronger as they get bigger, and you will be amazed how much you can do. [I was still carrying 15kg Nate on my back, at 38 weeks pregnant]. I should add that when I say "sling" I am referring to a wrap, ring sling, or mei tai. Structured carriers that dangle the baby by their crotch (as opposed to supporting their bottom with their knees bent up) are not good for their spine or pelvis and should be avoided.</div>
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<b>Nappies</b></div>
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A newborn will get through up to 10 <b>nappies</b> a day, so you'll need a few. Again, don't go mad bulk buying small sizes, they may grow out of them pretty fast. If you go for cloth nappies, about 20 is manageable, 40 cloth <b>wipes </b>will complement them. It's actually worth borrowing or buying one off samples of a few types of cloth nappies and trialling them to see which you like best. You can buy cloth nappies second hand, and often local councils have grant schemes to help with the cost. Even if you can't stomach the idea of using someone else's cloth nappies, if you keep an eye on eBay and the like, you will often find full sets going, washed, but never worn, because the parent decided to go with disposables after all. If you are going down the disposable route, you will need <b>cotton wool </b>and eventually disposable wipes.</div>
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Feeding</h4>
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If you are breastfeeding your shopping list will be short indeed! Some people suggest having some bottles and cartons of formula around "just in case". This is generally accepted by people in the know as being something that undermines breastfeeding, and it is possible to obtain such things in an emergency pretty easily nowadays.</div>
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You will need some <b>nursing bras, </b>go for stretchy multi-sized ones for the first couple of weeks, then get measured for something properly supportive once your supply settles down. Cheap nursing bras are a false economy, go for the best you can afford, plus <b>breast pads</b> to protect them. Even nursing bras aren't essential, just a well fitting soft bra will do, but can be a bit trickier to nurse in.</div>
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I find <b>muslin squares</b> indispensable in the constant fight to not have vomit down my back, but some mothers don't bother. I don't understand <b>bibs</b> though, so it's each to their own I suppose. Muslins are massively versatile, they catch sick, wipe noses, mop up spills. They can be folded into a light nappy, or a bib, they make a good makeshift changing mat. Nate likes to put them on his head and pretend to be a ghost, or hold one in each hand and pretend to be a butterfly. Endless possibilities. In my house you are never more than a meter from a muslin; unless you have a projectile vomiting baby in your lap, then there will be none.</div>
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If you are bottle feeding you will need <b>bottles</b>, and some way of sterilising them, a good <b>microwave steriliser </b>will do bottles, pumps, dummies, anything you like. Not all babies need bottles, even if you are giving expressed or formula feeds, you can feed from a cup, or a spoon. Unless you definitely plan to use bottles, you can wait until after the birth to decide if you need them.</div>
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<b>Nursing cushions.</b> I am a huge fan of these, some of them cost a fortune, mine came from a supermarket and was not so bad. I used my horseshoe shaped cushion as a support during prenatal yoga, then to support my baby while he fed (they should be very firm and plump, so you can go hands free). Once they start wanting to sit propped up, it makes a nice safe comfy place for them to sit. Normal pillows or cushions can do the job, but need a big more careful arranging.<br />
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Other things that might be useful</h4>
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<b>Bouncy chairs,</b> a decent one that reclines back and has a head support. Sometimes you need a safe place to put baby down, so you can shower. They do tend to be very expensive though, and you will only use it for a couple of months, so this is another item that is good second hand.</div>
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<b>A bath support.</b> My favourite was a kind of frame, with a terry covering, like a deckchair that baby lay on in the bath. You won't need it long, and you can do without, but they are useful, especially if you lack confidence or dexterity, or have a bad back.</div>
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<b>A baby monitor.</b> Not at all essential, especially in the early days when you will have your baby close all the time. Very useful for ordering tea when you are in bed with the baby though.</div>
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<b>A change bag</b>. Doesn't have to be an expensive one, just a bag that is big enough for your essentials.</div>
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Baby toiletries. A good <b>nappy cream</b> (I like Bepanthen, I find the old favourite, Sudocreme, a nightmare to get off skin and cloth nappies, but you get a free tub of that in your Bounty pack, so try it) and a mild <b>baby shampoo/soap. </b>A <b>towel </b>of their own (or 2) is also useful. It's worth having a mild base <b>oil</b>, like sweet almond oil to take care of dry skin and cradle cap.</div>
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Things that can wait until after the baby is born.</h4>
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<b>A breast pump.</b> If you need to pump in hospital, they can lend you one. Some mothers are very happy hand expressing, or you might find you don't need to express at all, but if you do want to leave your exclusively breastfed baby for a couple of hours, or you plan to build up a freezer stash for after your return to work, a good pump is an excellent investment. If you do buy a pump you will need storage bottles or bags for the milk.</div>
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Dummies. Neither of my babies would take them. If you breastfeed it can disrupt the latch. However, if you bottle feed you may find they satisfy your baby's need to comfort-suck, and their use is linked to lower incidence of SIDS. A breastfed baby (or any baby) can be settled at the breast, they aren't "using you as a dummy", it's the other way around, the dummy is a breast substitute.</div>
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Toys. Your baby won't start interacting with objects for several weeks, they want to see people, you are their favourite plaything. After that, hanging things they can bat at are a good start.<br />
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High chair and feeding equipment. Babies don't need to start on solids until they are 6 months old, so plates, beakers, bibs, spoons and high chairs can wait.<br />
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Things you really don't need</h4>
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A teddy that makes womb noises. Babies like the sound and smell of you, because they want to be close to you, with good reason. Cuddling your baby is a good excuse to rest, so why spend money on something to substitute yourself?<br />
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A bath. Tiny babies fit in a sink, or washing up bowl. Baby baths are huge to store, awkward to fill/empty and only useful for a short time.<br />
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A changing table. Are you really going to go up to the nursery every time your newborn needs a change? Even in the middle of good TV? Even when you are exhausted? In the middle of the night? You need somewhere to store your baby care items, but a basic change mat slid under the sofa, with a box/bag of nappies and wipes to hand is much handier. You can change your baby on any firm, safe surface protected with an old hand towel, muslin, or folding change mat.</div>
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Shoes. Babies' feet should not be restricted when growing. Until they are walking outside, there is no need for shoes, they are purely aesthetic, and the damn things fall off everywhere. They are very cute though, if you use them, just make sure they are roomy.</div>
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Most of the things the magazines claim are "essential" I could go on for a long while....</div>
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As I demonstrated with Oren, it's actually very possible to have a baby with very little "stuff" at all, there really is no need to panic, or feel overwhelmed, just remember that all a newborn needs is to be warm, dry, fed and loved; if you find you need anything else, you can always get it later.<br />
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Of course there is no reason not to buy everything you fancy, if you can afford it and are happy to do so; but if your little one starts life with nothing but a bag of second hand babygros to their name, there is no need to worry or feel guilty, the "stuff" is for the parents, not the baby, they will be just fine.</div>
Kash Salemhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10567296785736411305noreply@blogger.com0